News

Cambridge Residents Slam Council Proposal to Delay Bike Lane Construction

News

‘Gender-Affirming Slay Fest’: Harvard College QSA Hosts Annual Queer Prom

News

‘Not Being Nerds’: Harvard Students Dance to Tinashe at Yardfest

News

Wrongful Death Trial Against CAMHS Employee Over 2015 Student Suicide To Begin Tuesday

News

Cornel West, Harvard Affiliates Call for University to Divest from ‘Israeli Apartheid’ at Rally

Flying Seer Grounded on Ellis Isle; Zombie Stranded by McCarran Act

NO WRITER ATTRIBUTED

NEW YORK, N. Y., Oct. 26--Federal authorities today clapped Rumin Coak onto Ellis Island, claiming that the ashen-faced CRIMSON near could not enter the United States under the McCarran anti-subversives act.

With Coak held incommunicado, panic-stricken Crimeds were again at a loss to find a prognosticator for tomorrow's game. They have just 24 hours left.

James R. Gleason, assistant Chief of Customs for the Port of New York, pointed out that Cock was burned for wizardry in 1874 at his Haitiau villa. "Haiti may have been totalitarian in 1874," said Gleason, "for all we know."

Even on the flight from Port-AuPrince, Coak amazed reporters with his powers of divination. He prognosticated that the ceiling at Idlewild Airport would be 800 feet, which turned out to be wrong by only a yard and a half.

With the eight-foot zombie were all his worldly possessions: a hollow palmetto trunk tuned to b flat, a bulbous cast-iron kettle, three Hopalong Cassidy dolls and a package of insect-mounting pins, and a shrunken cannibal head, his own.

Want to keep up with breaking news? Subscribe to our email newsletter.

Tags