Go Right, Brother

INNOCENT BYSTANDER

GEORGE my younger brother called last night.

As a sixth grader with a conscience a brooding sense of justice," as he likes to say, it's always sale to as sume that when George calls he'll be outraged about something. This time it was Grenada.

I'm outraged about Grenada. "George said, with that slightly nervous tone of the 12-year-old who tends to get beaten up daily at the playground because of his enlightened views. He insists that moral imperatives require that girls be allowed to play kick-ball ("G'wan, eat dirt punk" was the most recent retort to George's plea, I think).

"Have you been reading the papers again? I told mom it just works you into one of your fits of outrage. She's been worrying about your sleeping habits, you know."

"She's been nervous since I ordered those plane tickets to Canada right after Haig said he was ready to take command."

"Right, they stopped you when the flight attendant got suspicious about a 4-ft., 6-in. fourth grader with a Mastercard."

"Stop chuckling. You're supposed to be my sympathetic older brother."

"O.K. But Grenada? Personally, I've been more upset about the lack of concern the Wall Street Journal and The New York Times have shown for Michael Jackson's hair burning. It was buried inside somewhere, below a piece on Reagan's new staff director for the civil rights commission denouncing affirmative action and equal pay for women."

"What!"

"Forget it--just something in my throat. Go on about Grenada."

"I read it in the Times--it seems when those brave socialists took over, a few of the fringe elements whiled away theafternoons holding target practiceout on the beach. Problem was, they were shooting at the yachts in the regattas held by the Grenada Yacht Club."

"So?"

"Well, before Reagan had time to get the Marines on it, some friend of his with a yacht put in a call to Cap Weinberger...I read recently that Ralph Nader said George Bush's staff alone had raised the yacht-per-Administration member ratio to its greatest heights since Calvin Coolidge."

"I'm not impressed."

I knew you'd be this way Mom says you've been, well, different, since you began talking about law school. Anyway, the New York Yacht Club is helping the Grenada Yacht Club get back on its feet by sending down a five member race committee and a committee boat. The Mount Gay Rum Company is throwing a post-race party. The Rolex watch company is donating the prizes. "It's a veritable capitalist welcome-wagon!"