Winter break brought frequent bouts of family, friends and cable television, the last of which Dartboard found especially intriguing. Among the personalities on cable, Dartboard was captivated by pop princess Britney Spears.
Why Britney? Well, Dartboard is concerned about her appearance. Though regular exercise has precluded any return of the infamous freshmen fifteen jiggle, fall semester’s late-night tomato-basil runs have impeded visible muscle definition. Yet Britney defies this—but not all—temptation. She does her miles, her lunges, her sit-ups and has the legs and stomach to prove it. Thus 2002, Dartboard decided, would be devoted to achieving the Britney Bod.
Assured in this new resolution, Dartboard related her aspiration to friends hoping to receive encouragement. None was found. One friend said “That will take A LOT of plastic surgery.” Yet Dartboard was not discouraged and her resolution remained firmly established: Would start Zone Diet limiting carbs to one Cheerio. Would run five miles each day. Would not be intimidated by the “over 200-lb muscle-bound club” who frequent the weight room and would lift away. Would achieve the Britney Bod. (Dartboard heard inspirational music at this time.)
New Year’s resolution started off fair enough. The treadmill and the dumbbell were two new friends. Proud of her accomplishments, Dartboard relayed her plan to another friend who said “Her record company is paying her to look like that!”
And that’s when the dart hit Dartboard. They are paying for her to look like that. They are paying for her personal chef to make her eggs Benedict, mac and cheese and apple pie tasty but still under her allotted 1,000 calorie daily intake. They are paying for her personal trainer to find new and exciting ways to burn that allotted 1,000 calories a day. They are paying for the Britney Bod.
It’s not that the only talent Britney possesses is the Britney Bod, but many of us unreasonably aspire to replicate only the exterior features that Britney, Julia, Halle and (enter famous celebrity’s name here) are paid to have. Aspiring to look like anyone that beautiful would take a lot of money, as Cindy Jackson, the woman who paid over $100,000 to look like Barbie, proved. It would also take way too much time to be worth it.
This resolved, Dartboard has decided to strive for something more worthwhile and attainable—Dartboard will use 2002 to continue to improve the mind. Hey, aren’t Dartboard’s parents paying for that?
—JASMINE J. MAHMOUD