Six Tips for a Successful Primal Scream

Carlos A. J. Rodriguez-Russo

Along with having sex in the stacks and peeing on the John Harvard statue, participating in Primal Scream is on the traditional list of activities students should partake in before graduating.

However, this year Primal Scream is a bit different. Because of the extra security around Harvard Yard, students will get to undress away from the eyes of various tourists and Cambridge residents.

Even though randos aren't watching you drop your pants, this Primal Scream can still be the most memorable one yet. Here are some tips for making Sunday night an unforgettable evening.

1) Before putting on your birthday suit, listen to "Sexy and I Know It" by LMFAO. If you are planning to run around campus naked, you need to feel your personal best. Remember, "I got passion in my pants, and I ain't afraid to show it."

2) Do a couple of jumping jacks before you go outside. Throw in some muscle flexes while you're at it. It's important to maximize your confidence level, and a little exercise will get your blood pumping to withstand the predicted 30-degree weather.

3) Moisturize! With the dry winter weather around, your skin is less than smooth. Don't get caught on camera with flaky legs.

4) If you don't feel as confident about your body as you would like, wear a Rick Perry mask. After his last campaign commercial, the governor of Texas is the target of a wide array of jokes. With your Rick Perry disguise, you will draw the attention away from your insecurities and onto Perry instead.

5) To have even more fun on your night out, convince your crush that everyone should participate in this Harvard tradition. Even if things take a turn for the worse, you will both have a month to forget it ever happened.

6) To get into the holiday spirit, wrap garlands and lights around your body. Nothing says "have a good winter break" like some choicely placed tinsel.

A parting thought: where will the Occupiers be while naked students lap the Yard?

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