Your Choice, Harvard: It’s either Me or the SAT

After racking my brain for hours, I’ve finally found just the word to describe Harvard’s return to standardized testing: ✨problematic✨.

No offense, but I’m really not standardized, and I don’t think you’re going to be able to capture who I am as a person, an artistic creator, a friend, and a grassroots changemaker, in a test where I could literally be given the same exact score as thousands, if not hundreds, of other people.

Vote Alan Garber for Interim HUA Co-President

When Harvard leadership is rocked by scandal and it’s going to take a second to find a replacement, the moment calls for a brave, confidence-inspiring caretaker.

A-Minus the Effort

Attention! If you or a loved one have received a B-plus on your transcript, you may be entitled to financial compensation.

We’re Really Sorry About That Antisemitic Cartoon, Guys

It has come to our attention that an image appeared on our organization’s Instagram account that made certain people uncomfortable. Now that we might face consequences, we want to take this opportunity to express how bad we feel.

New York Times, Get out of My School

All names and quotes contained within this satirical piece are fictional.