Let's Talk About Your D-Hall Crush

We’re a month into the fall semester, which means you’ve finally figured out your schedule. You're probably at the point where you take regular lunch breaks now. Health and nutrition are supes important. So, you linger a little in the lunch line. Why not? You're totally not checking out the cutie by the coffee machines. Not at all.

Yeah, we don’t buy it. It’s time to be honest: you have a d-hall crush. There are a few scientific rules for what defines these crushes, and Flyby is here to break down this phenomenon for you.

Location

The context in which you see this person is extremely limited. Not walking through the corridors of your House. Not hurrying from class to class in the Yard. You only see them at meals, in the dining hall. For all you know they’re a figment of your imagination conjured up by hunger and sleep deprivation.

Limited interaction

Your interactions have been minimal and, unfortunately, not non-verbal in the way you’d prefer. Maybe you know their name, but they probably don’t know yours. They probably don’t know you exist, actually.

Conventional attractiveness

It shames you a little, but this person is attractive enough that they make you feel very basic. Don’t get us wrong—they’re attractive. But could you be any less imaginative?

Attempts to impress

Most of your dining decisions are to show them how #fit and #healthy you are, and how much you totally love your own body! You pile veggies on your plate when they’re around, and you definitely skip dessert.

It’s in the details

They look really good in that one T-shirt. (You know the one.) You’ve never really cared for ‘Infinite Jest’ before, but they were reading it over lunch the other day so maybe you should give it a try? You refer to them by a random epithet or nickname: green polo guy. Blondie. Denim skirt girl. Kid with the Beats. Anything that’s nondescript enough for you to drop in conversation without having to worry about who’s listening (no one is). Really, it’s the little things that make this d-hall crush so captivating.

Mandatory embarrassing experience

You have horrifically embarrassed yourself at least once in their presence. Dropped a food item on the floor? Spilled juice all over yourself? Tripped and dropped your whole tray? It’s all happening, baby. This disastrous moment plays in your head every night before you fall asleep. Your d-hall crush probably didn’t notice it, but that doesn’t mean you won’t agonize over every moment.

(Un)Availability

Maybe they’re in a relationship. Maybe you’re not their type at all. Maybe you’re only crushing on them because you’re too afraid of commitment to actually emotionally invest in someone who could care for you in return. Who knows? What matters is that they’ll never be anything more than someone you worship from afar.