"Comp The Crimson"

Doubtless, you have noticed on the SportsWire page directly behind the back page, a tendency on the part of the Sports Editors to fill the empty space below the NBA and NHL standings with "Comp ads."

However, these messages, which range from inside jokes to co-opted pop-culture slogans, rarely contain any literary merit.

In the finest tradition of satiric poetry, then, I offer the following original piece, which I have creatively titled "Comp The Crimson."

On The Indy, I do not depend.

Nor The Advocate, would I defend.

The Salient sadly lacks in salt.

The Gazette, a rag that's full of fault.

My reception of FM is poor,

Though delivered to my door.

The Peninsula is more an isle,

On which, marooned, live white men, vile.

The bastard Demon and whorish Lampoon

Have yet to beget one amusing cartoon.

And though The Crimson's liberal views

Oft color my visage with reddish hues,

I still declare that The Crimson romps.

So won't you please join me, and comp.