Real Bulldogs:

Intimidating at sports

Treats and bones

All of them go to heaven

Respect their masters

Jump through hoops for ribbons

Know how to play

Safety dogs

Poop outside

Yale Bulldogs:

Not intimidating at sports

Skull and Bones

All of them live in New Haven

Receive their masters

Jump through hoops for jobs

Know how to study

Safety school

Poop in the laundry

Both:

Have the same chance of getting into Harvard

Occasionally drool

From old-money homes

Can do similar levels of physics p-sets

Wrinklier than the average puppy

My parents would be upset if I brought one home