Procrastination, On Demand

I have a confession to make. It might, perchance, be conceivably possible that I have potentially developed a slight dependence upon the product known as Netflix. To be clear, I tell you this only because I fear for your safety and well-being. I divulge this story in the hopes that it will make you aware of the fate already befalling you; perhaps then you will be better equipped to handle the consequences.

It all started in high school, when, after obtaining my first ever debit card, I promptly purchased a monthly Netflix subscription. Slowly but surely, I began working my way through a few television programs. Back in the day when all the full-length features were either indie flicks or foreign films, my viewing time was naturally limited by the lack of programming attractive to my blockbuster-loving high school self. It was, truly, an ideal situation.

Then college started. I would like to personally thank Harvard for its “diverse student body,” which apparently is not only adept at conquering all academic and extracurricular endeavors, but has also collectively viewed and highly recommends every single feature on Netflix. My ever-growing book list gained a companion in the daunting array of movies and TV shows that I suddenly felt compelled to watch. I would like to put it on the record that the corresponding increase in my media consumption stemmed from a desire to develop more interests in common with my friends, and under no circumstances as an effective procrastination technique. That would be irresponsible, of course. I still had everything under control.

But Netflix had to go and make it even worse. They continued to add superior and addictive content. I should have known they had doomed me at that point, but exactly how much trouble I was in didn’t become clear to me until the break between last term and my internship this past summer. I won’t lie; I consumed five seasons worth of “Supernatural” in the span of two and a half weeks, and each season contains 22 42-minute-long episodes. I’ll let you do the math. All I know is that I am honestly and completely stunned that my computer didn’t combust. Did I even find time to eat or sleep, let alone actually talk to people or go outside? The memory is a bit foggy.

One day, I decided there was a non-zero percent chance I had melded minds with the showrunners, because I seemed able to predict everything that would happen on screen. I then immediately realized that I actually believed myself capable of melding minds with people, in particular ones who had come to their conclusions several months, if not years, before I had. Right then and there, I recognized Netflix for the vicious intellect-killer it is, and decided to ban myself from the streaming website for an indefinite period of time.

As the site had already destroyed any semblance of self-control I may have once had, I knew it was necessary to download a Chrome extension to block the website from my computer rather than simply trust myself to abstain on my own. I estimate this worked for five days, after which time I rediscovered my ingenuity and problem-solving skills as I hunted for a way to undo that moment of weakness and panic. Needless to say, I worked around the block and soon removed it entirely.

I know the burning question you are all asking: Have I learned my lesson and cut back on my use? Of course not. Actually, the more I think about it, the more I realize that none of what happened to me was actually my fault. Forget the warning: You who have thus far possessed the willpower to resist simply have not yet succumbed, but you, too, will fall to Netflix’s irresistible array of content.

You can tell me that I am an isolated case, that I cannot project my lack of self-control and motivation onto the human species as a whole. I may acknowledge these points, accept that I could spend my free time doing any number of other things, and even argue that I’ve made the conscious choice not to. But let’s be real. I’ll probably just continue to blame technology.

Ali M. Monfre ’16 is an applied math concentrator in Leverett House. She is available for questions and comments until Oct. 1, when “Gilmore Girls” hits Netflix and her time will be otherwise occupied.