AQUARIUS: That work-life balance, Aquarius. You’ve finally mastered the skill of getting your work done while still enjoying your life. That means April is going to be a great month. Please, teach me your ways.
PISCES: I’m impressed. This month holds lots of athletic success for you. You’re going to go to the gym more than once. You’re improving your life so productively. This is the start of a new phase of your life where you consistently exercise and eat well.
ARIES: Aries, I have good news. This month holds lots of full nights’ rests and naps! Without any all-nighters. Your time management skills are really going to come in handy.
TAURUS: Is there a budding relationship in your life? According to my ample knowledge of the future, this month is going to be great for developing whatever this may be.
GEMINI: April means upcoming financial windfalls for you, Gemini. You may find a lucrative summer job, you may “come into some money,” but however it happens, this is going to be wonderful.
CANCER: Classes are generally tough, Cancer, but this month is going to go well and you’re going to do really great in even the hardest ones. You’re killin’ the game this semester.
LEO: That new project you’ve been worried about is going to come together perfectly this month, Leo. All the effort you’ve put in has been totally worth it, and the final result is going to be dazzling.
VIRGO: A new job? A salary plus housing? Something that will look good on your resume? All that and more will be yours, Virgo.
LIBRA: Hey, Libra. Venus is in retrograde this month*, so your love life is about to be amazing. Cuffing season may be ending, but you, for one, won’t be single. Congrats on breaking the Harvard stereotype of being sad and single in the library.
SCORPIO: The last few weeks have been hectic, Scorpio, but things are calming down. Take advantage of your free time to pursue something you truly care about (which we know isn’t your degree in economics).
SAGITTARIUS: Sagittarius, you’re on a roll. Now is the time to commit to a new project (a startup, perhaps?). It’s gonna be a great success.
CAPRICORN: You’re one of the lucky ones. Your classwork is related to a subject you care about, and you have job prospects lining up in a field you want to break into. Everything’s coming up roses, Capricorn.
Sound too good to be true? It is! There’s no way things would be this put together at this point in the semester. Happy April Fool’s day, Harvard. See you next month ;)*what does retrograde mean? I am an expert at many things, but alas, none of them are astrology-based talents.