15 Worst Places to Get It On

15. Movie screening for Science B-29: “Evolution of Human Nature” i.e. “Sex”: People go there to watch monkeys get it on, not you. And saying “I had sex in ‘Sex,’ giggle giggle snort” is not funny.

14. Next to the Dumpster behind Tommy’s: nothing works as a natural aphrodisiac like the aroma of two-day old piss and beer.

13. Primal Scream: too many distractions.

12. The Hong Kong dance floor: Make no mistake, it is not romantic to let the dogs out there even if Baha Men are playing in the background.

11. Bottom bunk to the rhythm of your roommate’s snoring.

10. Any room on west side of Adams. You WILL be seen by the entire Claverly community.

9. In line for pizza at Pinocchio’s: It’s a bad thing when you have to stop mid-smooch so that your partner can mumble, “large slice of pepperoni and diet coke with lemon, please.”

8. Taking a date to a ballgame at Fenway can be romantic. The ride home on the T is not.

7. Section. Wait—or, would that be awesome?!? Dude, I’m doing that.

6. Harvard Football Stadium 50-yard line. On any given night there may be five other couples there with you.

5. John Harvard’s Lap. You WILL be photographed during the day. Refer to #14 for the other reason.

4. Even if you and your partner can both bench press your own weights, a MAC Weight room bench is an unromantic, furthermore, unacceptable place to lock lips.

3. The seven beers you drank before boarding the Quad Shuttle might make it seem like the perfect place to hook up. It is not.

2. Weeks Bridge, unless you plan on wearing sunglasses. The heavenly illumination tends to hinder the ability to find your partner’s face.

And the number one Least Romantic Place around Campus to Get it On... Brainbreak.