Have Sex in the Stacks: Put Your Widener in My Pusey

Alexa J. Bush

Study break: relieve the stress. You don't even have to undress.

What to wear

Women: Miniskirt. Lose the stilettos.

Men: Sweatpants (no DHAs; athletes in the library send up a red flag), boxers, and an old t-shirt. Nudity unacceptable.

How to do it

Step 1:

Silence your cell phone. The Nokia tune is only an appropriate interlude on vibrate.

Step 2:

Check for nearby persons in study carrels. People think we don’t have sex. Let’s keep it that way.

Step 3:

Check for loose books. A falling copy of Miss Manners can really cramp your style.

Step 4:

Slowly drop pants and boxers and/or lift skirt(s). A ripped skirt or shirt might be hot in the heat of the moment, but what will the security guards think?

Step 5:

Take a firm grasp of the bookcases’ metal sides. Do it standing, with entry from behind. Keep your thrusts to a minimum. Your lover and the bookshelf will appreciate it.

Step 6:

Modulate your moans. “Ooh Jack, it’s so big” might not be something the Widener workers are used to.