Have Sex in the Stacks: Put Your Widener in My Pusey

Alexa J. Bush

Study break: relieve the stress. You don't even have to undress.

What to wear

Women: Miniskirt. Lose the stilettos.

Men: Sweatpants (no DHAs; athletes in the library send up a red flag), boxers, and an old t-shirt. Nudity unacceptable.

How to do it

Step 1:

Silence your cell phone. The Nokia tune is only an appropriate interlude on vibrate.

Step 2:

Check for nearby persons in study carrels. People think we don’t have sex. Let’s keep it that way.

Step 3:

Check for loose books. A falling copy of Miss Manners can really cramp your style.

Step 4:

Slowly drop pants and boxers and/or lift skirt(s). A ripped skirt or shirt might be hot in the heat of the moment, but what will the security guards think?

Step 5:

Take a firm grasp of the bookcases’ metal sides. Do it standing, with entry from behind. Keep your thrusts to a minimum. Your lover and the bookshelf will appreciate it.

Step 6:

Modulate your moans. “Ooh Jack, it’s so big” might not be something the Widener workers are used to.

Step 7:

Leave a memento. Panties or boxers in a nearby book are a nice touch.

Where to do it

Like doing it on top? Check out PJ.7600F in the Middle Eastern Studies‚ all the way up the stairs and behind the electrical closet on 6 East, Widener.

More of a bottom? Check out Z675.R45 in the basement Bibliography & Library Sciences section on C East, Widener. It’s also behind an electrical closet.

If you like Pusey, the plus side is fewer motion sensors, but the down side is better lighting. Get kinky in the Church Periodicals section in the moveable stacks. What could be hotter than hundreds of years of Catholic school girls and altar boys?

Still skeevish about getting caught? Be lame and lock yourself and your significant other into the men’s handicap bathroom between 5 and 6 East, Widener.