What's in a Friend?

A Harvard and Standford psychology study released last week revealed the children “demonstrate a predilection for people who have seen their lives graced with good fortune as compared to those who have suffered from poor luck.” In essence, it’s a doubly bad day to be a pedophile in a tornado.

Not ones to trust “science,” however, we decided to test the theory ourselves on Ethan Howell, 4, the sprightly son of Adams Resident Dean Sharon L. Howell. But in a surprising turn of events, young Howell picked the unlucky person five times out of five. He offered the reason, “‘Cause I like him,” for all his choices except Nancy Kerrigan, about whom he opined, “I like her dress.” It was a very pretty dress.

Behold the results of laboratoire FM:

(Ethan’s choices are in bold.)

George Bush, victor in the 2000 election vs. Larry Summers, victim in the 2005 faculty uprising.

Mark Zuckerberg, founder of übersuccesful social networking site Facebook.com vs. Aleksey Vayner, creator of überfraudelent self-promotion video, exposed to widespread ridicule.

OJ Simpson, found not guilty of murder vs. Tom Green, lost his balls, his lady Drew Barrymore, and his blossoming career.

Anna Nicole Smith, winner of bogus multi-million-dollar lawsuits vs. Nancy Kerrigan, not winner at the Olympics after Tonya Harding had someone attack her with a crowbar.

John Quincy Adams, won the controversial election of 1824 vs. William McKinley, won the election of 1896; was later assassinated.