Web-based Global Positioning Systems (GPS) were recently installed in Harvard shuttles. These babies allow students to track the shuttle’s movement as it bounces between Mather House and the Quad (and beyond!). This new technology led FM to ask the age-old question: if you could stalk anything, what would it be? So whether you’re fleeing–or pursuing–your victim, let the hunt begin.
1. President Drew Gilpin Faust. Because FM needs to re-issue the “Scrabble Challenge” face to face.
2. Interim Dean David Pilbeam. Someone needs to give him a “Kick in the Butt” (3 parts Absolut Raspberri, 3 parts Limoncello, 12 parts tonic water).
3. Random hookup. Avoid awkwardness that lurks in almost every dining hall.
4. Holworthy Hoes: where they go, a party follows.
5. Widener Craiglist Girl. She probably won’t do it again, but it would be funny if she was in Widener a lot, you know?
6. Your Harvard ID card. Where the hell is it?!
7. “That kid” from section. Because you hear him (or her) talk enough in class.
8. Newly purchased Berryline yogurt. Mug unsuspecting customers before they dig in. If you eat the evidence, is it still a crime?
9. Professor John Parker. Where did that guy go? And is he still single?
10. Free booze. Now a rarity on campus, you’ve got to know where it is. At all times.
11. Your boyfriend/girlfriend, who you absolutely, totally, completely trust.
12. The UC party funds. “Follow the money”–with GPS it’s just so easy!
13. That guy you’ve had your eye on since freshman year who only seems to pop up when you’re hungover, sweaty, or finishing a walk of shame.
14. Gossip Girl. Stay tuned. Kisses. XOXO.
15. Admit it: you would probably need a GPS tracker for your GPS. Just in case.