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15 THINGS CELEBS SHOULD GIVE UP FOR LENT

Terrell Woods

You are giving up HUDS food for Lent? Oh, that’s so last year.

What happened to the days when Lent meant giving up dessert for a month? We’ll tell you what happened: the new millenium. Now, we are bombarded with the necessity of Lent a la Josh Hartnett in “40 Days and 40 Nights.” (You know, the movie where Josh’s bros dubbed him a “player” and he gave up sex to prove them wrong?) Well, FM wouldn’t recommend abstinence to anyone at Harvard (let’s face it: that wouldn’t really be giving anything up), but here is some Lenten advice that our favorite celebs can follow.

1) Jamie Lynn Spears: Give up your baby.

2) Britney Spears: Give up your babies. Oh wait...

3) Lindsay Lohan: Give up the nudity, you’ll never be Marilyn Monroe.

4) Victoria Beckham: Give up the act—you know you can’t sing.

5) Hillary Clinton: Turn off the water works; most of us are reasonably convinced that you are, in fact, a woman.

6) Tom Cruise: Give up being Tom Cruise. And let go of Scientology too while you’re at it, it’s creepy.

7) Mike Huckabee: Give up the run.

8) Paris Hilton: Get your 17 dogs fixed, and learn how to tell the difference between fixed and not. (Hint: when they keep having babies, they are NOT fixed).

9) Anne Coulter: Give it up; even Hillary doesn’t want you.

10) The Olsen Twins: Don’t give up anything. Eat!!!!!!!

11) GossipGeek: Just give it up.

12) Kiefer Sutherland: Give up the booze—word is you’ve already been sober for 24 hours post slammer...nice.

13) Angelina and Brad: Give up the adoption-binge!

14) Bai Ling: Give up kleptomania. Two tabloids and a pack of AA batteries? What is this, the Spee?

15) Sarah Silverman: Stop “fucking Matt Damon!”