Terrell Woods

You are giving up HUDS food for Lent? Oh, that’s so last year.

What happened to the days when Lent meant giving up dessert for a month? We’ll tell you what happened: the new millenium. Now, we are bombarded with the necessity of Lent a la Josh Hartnett in “40 Days and 40 Nights.” (You know, the movie where Josh’s bros dubbed him a “player” and he gave up sex to prove them wrong?) Well, FM wouldn’t recommend abstinence to anyone at Harvard (let’s face it: that wouldn’t really be giving anything up), but here is some Lenten advice that our favorite celebs can follow.

1) Jamie Lynn Spears: Give up your baby.

2) Britney Spears: Give up your babies. Oh wait...

3) Lindsay Lohan: Give up the nudity, you’ll never be Marilyn Monroe.

4) Victoria Beckham: Give up the act—you know you can’t sing.

5) Hillary Clinton: Turn off the water works; most of us are reasonably convinced that you are, in fact, a woman.

6) Tom Cruise: Give up being Tom Cruise. And let go of Scientology too while you’re at it, it’s creepy.

7) Mike Huckabee: Give up the run.

8) Paris Hilton: Get your 17 dogs fixed, and learn how to tell the difference between fixed and not. (Hint: when they keep having babies, they are NOT fixed).

9) Anne Coulter: Give it up; even Hillary doesn’t want you.

10) The Olsen Twins: Don’t give up anything. Eat!!!!!!!

11) GossipGeek: Just give it up.

12) Kiefer Sutherland: Give up the booze—word is you’ve already been sober for 24 hours post slammer...nice.

13) Angelina and Brad: Give up the adoption-binge!

14) Bai Ling: Give up kleptomania. Two tabloids and a pack of AA batteries? What is this, the Spee?

15) Sarah Silverman: Stop “fucking Matt Damon!”