The last day of classes is here, and that means it’s time to get drunk and sloppy. Stumble up to Spanish class. Tell Gov 20 that you love it, many times, in a loud voice. Maybe drunk dial Ec 10. Here are some rules to drink by:
1. Any lecture that ends to the tune of “and that is why Ancient Etruscan Transgender Practices are important to your life today” deserves a hearty toast, for effort at least.
2. If your hot TF seems suspiciously more flirtatious than usual, offer her/him a swig of Rubinov from your Poland Springs bottle. This is your last chance. Ask them when you could meet to talk about your paper; when they answer, explain that you will unfortunately be bedridden at that time. Then just wink. Then maybe take a shot and try winking again.
3. If your professor is dressed down for class, wearing summer clothing instead of his normal suit, take one shot. Also, playfully acknowledge his effort by taking off your shirt.
4. By this time of the semester, your professor’s voice may sound only like a mild buzzing that occasionally changes in pitch slightly. Approach this like it is a power hour.
5. Ask your TF penetrating and thoughtful questions about their summer plans. For every minute you get them to indulgently divulge, everyone else has to take a shot. Stealing questions is fair game.
6. Sit behind the girl that’s always on her Gmail during lecture. Every e-mail she gets about a summer internship is one shot. If she has another one of those awkward Gchats with her boyfriend about staying in touch over the summer, that’s a shot also (excessive use of emoticons is double).