Ah, Halloween, the magical time when every cheap creative costume idea you’ve brainstormed in the last year goes out the window and you end up as some sort of sexy baby animal. Lucky for you, FM’s here to make sure your budget’s no excuse for being the seventh person to show up to the costume party in cat ears, a tail, and not much else.
1. All 50 Shades of Gray
It’s not quite your typical slutty Halloween costume, but, hey, it’s erotic, right? Pile on every shade of gray you can find—your roommate’s stained gym sweatshirt, your old tweed tie, that pair of Converse that never matches anything—and voila! You too can be a bestseller.
2. Binders Full of Women, Lisa Frank Style
Mitt Romney has ’em, and so can every costume party this fall! Lisa Frank, stationary goddess of the 90s, was known for her purple and green alien and unicorn-emblazoned binders. First graders stored homework in them, but Romney preferred using them to organize his women. If you’re a girl, fold a poster board around yourself, secure it across your body with duct tape, and color it appropriately using only neon shades that clash. But don’t stay out too late; Mitt needs you home in time to cook him dinner.
You know you brought your teddy bear to college—now’s your time to carry it with pride! Throw on the suit you usually save to land a job in corporate America and grab Teddy before setting out for a night without a verbal filter.
4. Olympic Girl’s Gymnastics Team
The legacy of the Fab Five shouldn’t be left in London—rep America’s most medaled tweens for Halloween! Throw on a jumpsuit, hold a bouquet of flowers, and scowl all night like a true Olympian. Bonus points to anyone who rocks a leotard instead, and note that this does not only apply to females.
5. Kim Kardashian, Nicki Minaj, or Pippa Middleton
Use that ugly throw pillow your roommate brought and show the world that baby got back. This outfit is not character-specific—feel free to vary accessories from party to party and transform from one bootylicious icon to another.
6. ‘The Big Bang Theory’
NBC’s most popular sitcom doesn’t have to stay in the studio—feel free to bring it to the party. If you’re a girl, be Penny and find a few physics nerds to be your Leonard and Sheldon (you go to Harvard, it shouldn’t be too hard). If you’re a physics nerd, find a Penny—you’ll benefit in the long run.
7. Ryan Gosling
Guys, this one is simple: just dust off your Ray-Bans, run a hand through that coiff, and throw on a white T-shirt with the words “Hey girl” on it. Stop a fight on the mean streets of Harvard Square, and girls will fall at your feet.
8. ‘American Horror Story’
Revitalize that slutty maid costume from last Halloween with some fake blood and suddenly, you’re Moira from “American Horror Story.” Throw on a morphsuit, and you’re the rubber man. The only necessity is some blood and a serious face, so get creative with your take on this second-season thriller.