"[No picture], I look so bad right now!"
First drafts are no longer safe from the eyes of outsiders. Flyby raided the Lamont recycling bins to discover the deeply profound, uncover the roughest of the rough, and unearth a slew of amusing, verbose, and altogether fascinating papers.
Here are some lessons we learned that might benefit other paper-writers during the last stretch of finals:
Give your variables names that sound like dinosaurs.
"The data for both tenyryields and thirtyyr was obtained from Bloomberg." – Economics paper
Human rights violations are not-right violations of humans.
"It challenges the human rights philosophy by questioning how can a Serbian be persuaded to protect the human rights of those that that the Serbian do not recognize their humanity...First, it persuades observers of human rights violations to prevent further violations by motivates onlookers of human rights violations to do something about those violations by reminding them that those who suffer are, like them, human." - Human rights paper
Apparently we're doing a lot of swallowing.
"Swallowing is synonymous with 'destroying' and 'devouring,' the act of finishing something off." - Literature paper
"Her answer instead is to pinpoint her feelings of loss onto tiny, anecdotal aspects of the dead that are easier to chew and swallow." - Literature paper (a different one)
The ultimate bodily experiment was not, in fact, the Chickwich Challenge.
"Ecce Homo answers the ultimate question, of which Zarathustra is the ultimate experiment so far, in every literal, bodily, and corporal sense: Truth is only incorportation." - German paper
Convince the reader to support your thesis.
"Best Points: Many points in the essay were very scientifically based and specific points were made to convince the reader into supporting my thesis. It was hard at the beginning in terms of concise and straightforward thesis." - Expos 20 cover letter
"Every perception is part of a cosmic story in which the external actuality is knowable to the personal consciousness and at times representative of eternal truths." – English paper