Strip clubs and dolla bills? Seems a little trite to us. In not-so-breaking news, the Delphic paid $350 for strippers at a punch event back in 2010. Although this cost came “before tips and extracurriculars,” it seems a little low—they couldn’t get more expensive exotic dancers? Granted, the company name “Shamrock Entertainment” evokes an image of a beer-gutted Bostonian sipping a thick green shamrock shake more than high-class eroticism.

The Delphic Club (center) is one of Harvard's eight all-male final clubs.

Of course, decorum and leadership could have changed within the Delphic since the racy occasion. To give them the benefit of the doubt, 2010 was a notably poor-taste year for all of us, marred by Bieber hair and jeggings. In case they haven’t quite learned from their mistakes, Flyby has some advice for Final Clubs on punch event activities that aren’t ripped right out of a 1920s playbook:

Topiary Trimming

Initiate punchers with an afternoon of garden grooming. The hedgery outside the Linden Street house could use some TLC, and what better way for a couple dudes to bond than over aesthetic horticulture? Why “play Edward 40-hands” when you could pay homage to the classic film with some landscaping?

Pin the Tail on the Donkey

The blindfolds, the tease, the intrigue. This childhood classic poses as a sexy substitute. Offer up the first slice of ice cream cake as a reward for a successful pin. Ogling the celebratory cake at the end of the game and chasing some pin-up donkey tail? Perfect PG13 fun!

Pony Rides

$325 (under budget!) covers 120 pony rides for up to 50 children to make for a wholesome evening. Do the math, that’s 2-3 rides per (man)child!

Nota Bene: Not the same type of riding advertised by Shamrock Entertainment.