Valentine’s Day might be a late capitalist invention that commodifies human emotion, but you still want a date. Lucky for you, we live in some twisted Black Mirror reality, so modern technology can help you find someone (whom you later break up with after getting back your HUHS infection results). To aid your search for love, we handpicked the most coveted bachelors for our second installment of the most eligible Tinder bachelors series.

5) John Harvard, 21 (1 mile away)


Although this silver (or bronze?) fox is clearly lying about his age and is into some “unorthodox” showers, no list is complete without the OG Harvard Daddy.

4) Morty, 19 (less than a mile away)

To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to date the protagonist of “Rick and Morty.” If you do make the cut, maybe skip the Central Square McDonald’s date? Actually, don't take dates to McDonald's period.

3) Cookie, 20 (42 miles away)


Feel like cheating on your next-door sweetheart, the HUDS carnival cookie, or your late night booty call, Insomnia? This scrumptious charmer is an hour drive away, so certainly not as convenient, but perhaps more delicious.

2) Barry B, 18 (2 miles away)

You like jazz? Are you a fan of Jerry Seinfeld? Do you crave a different kind of buzz? Barry B is your man. After all, why hook up with someone from the Bee, if you can screw an actual bee?

1) NomDePlume Victor (1 mile away)

We’ve heard he’s in the PC. If Victor is royalty, then you can be his Meghan Markle.