Valentine’s Day is upon us and it seems that even the most obnoxious section kid has someone to snuggle with. If you’re one of the unfortunate singles who didn't follow the advice of Flyby’s cuffing season post, you might be trying to find a bae through...well, Tinder. While Tinder might be a fun way to pass time during a Mankiw Ec10 lecture (sorry not sorry), it’s also a decent way to find a suitable hottie to take out to the Instagram-chic Tatte on February 14th. However, Ivy League cuties aren't the only people you'll stumble upon during your search for love. Sometimes, you'll find yourself swiping on some pretty weird characters -- and no, not just that hot Yalie you accidentally superliked during the Game. Here are the top 5 quirky Tinder bachelors we stumbled upon during our search for hot singles in the area.
5) Lamp, 21 (less than a mile away)
Do you love how the standard Harvard-issued lamp spices up your dorm decor? Do you ever find yourself gently dimming its light to set the mood as you sweat over your pset at 3 a.m. on a Thursday night? Do you ever want to feel even closer to this tall dark beauty that is already so near your bed? All you lamp aficionados are in luck, as a lamp has been spotted on Tinder less than a mile away.
4) Bacon, 18 (4 miles away)
You may have spotted this sizzling charmer in the dhall and felt an undeniable chemistry (not the organic kind). However, if the line for breakfast before a 10 a.m. lecture seems too long, you can always hit up this juicy piece of meat on Tinder with a “Hey baby” that it will never reply to.
3) Shrek, 18 (3 miles away)
SomeBODY once told me that ogres are not just green monsters and actually have a lot more layers than that guy from the PSK you took home last weekend. A true living legend, Shrek is sure to be an 'ogre' achiever in the swamp and definitely knows how to push your gumdrop buttons (in a good way). This Valentine's Day, let Shrek be your knight in shining armor...and don't deny that you've always wanted to touch his muffin, man.
2) Harambe, 21 (42 miles away)
If you spent your fall semester mourning Harambe even more than the 132 dollars you spent on Mankiw’s textbook, you’ll be delighted to find out that this celebrity may actually still be with us and (even better) looking for love. 42 miles is a long way, but love conquers all #CharlieCardsOutForHarambe.
1) The Harvard Turkey, 21 (860 miles away)
Who deserves the top spot of our list more than the most celebrated member of the Harvard community? Apparently finding love is on the Harvard Turkey’s agenda, along with posing for excited students and striking fear in children, squirrels and puzzled tourists. The 860 mile distance explains the recent disappearance of this beloved icon from our campus. A quick Google search shows that exactly 860 miles separate Boston from Brazil, so if you want a steamy date with an international sensation to escape the New England winter, swipe right!