By Daphne C. Thompson

Roommate Horror Stories

“Are you aware that your roommate swims?”
By Kemi E. Azenzua, Elida Kocharian, Margaux R. E. Winter, and Luke W. Xu

Of Orgies and Overnights

Margaux R. E. Winter ’21

Contributing Writer

A month into co-habitation with my high school roommate, we invited a few friends over to watch “The Diary of a Teenage Girl.” After dozing off, I woke up to a pitch-black room and heard the slap of skin against skin. Oh God––my roommate’s nighttime visitor let out a sigh. I tried and failed to wish myself back into blissful unconsciousness.

— TRAUMATIZED TEENAGE GIRL, female, 18



Wet Dream

Elida Kocharian ’21

Contributing Writer

The night I arrived at Harvard, my red dorm telephone rudely awakened me at 4 a.m. with the shrill voice of my roommate’s mother: “Find My iPhone” claimed that her daughter was somewhere in the Charles River. I hung up on that lunacy, convinced that this was some kind of anxiety-induced dream. Minutes later I opened the door to Officer Friendly of HUPD. “Are you aware that your roommate swims?”

— STILL DON’T KNOW HOW TO USE THAT DAMN PHONE, female, 18



Rise and Shine

Luke W. Xu ’20

Contributing Writer?

My freshman year roommate seemed great: We had the same interests, we had the same politics, and we got along swimmingly. And then, one day in that tumultuous fall, his alarm went off at 8 a.m. It woke me up, and, more importantly, it woke me up to the type of person he really was.

— LATE SLEEPER, male, 19



I See Dead Party People

Kemi E. Akenzua ’20

Crimson Staff Writer

Finals week: a time for studying, screaming, and self-loathing. I walked back from Lamont on a cold Wednesday night in need of a charger, only to open the door onto a beer pong table and 20 lax bros rocking out to—you guessed it—“Mr. Brightside.” I grabbed my charger and got out of there as fast as I could. I returned two hours later, expecting to find stragglers and a mess. To my shock, everything and everyone was gone. Had it been a hallucination? The sign on the wall—“Must be 21+ to drink”—was the only evidence that this finals week bacchanal had ever happened.

— TFTI, female, 19

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