Arts Vanity: Months of Covid-19 as Quotes from the Arts Board

Before you block out all remaining memories of this dumpster-fire of a year, take a walk down memory lane through some of the year’s best — and most fitting — Arts Board quotes.

March

"Men from Massachusetts are the worst" — Cassandra Luca & Allison J. Scharmann

"Hey! I'm right here!" — Connor S. Dowd

Why: It’s the calm before the storm. The members of the Arts board are eating Hot Cheetos, procrastinating their Social Studies essays, and, of course, making fun of men. Little did we know how much the world was about to change.

April

“I will run film as a Martin Scorsese cult hailing our supreme leader.” — Lanz Aaron G. Tan

Why: We’re a few weeks into lockdown, and the cult jokes haven’t quite lost their charm yet. Meanwhile, the inexorable Lanz Tan is capitalizing on the widespread chaos to quietly pitch the same “Raging Bull” retrospective for 5 consecutive weeks...

May

“THE HEAFPHOENS ARNT WOtkin” — an unidentified member of the Sam/Harper/Joe household

Why: Our favorite Arts-household is one again joining from one Zoom room, it’s chaos in the chat, and no one is quite sure what to do in a breakout room.

June

“I think it’s neat that on zoom ppl can mute themselves when they’re abt to sneeze. we should be able to do that in real life.” — Hunter T. Baldwin

Why: We’re all getting used to life on Zoom, the novelty hasn’t quite worn off, and we’re starting to ask ourselves whether doing class in our pajamas is really all that bad.

July

“Am i crazy or is paget brewster attractive.” — Hunter T. Baldwin

Why: We’ve watched every last Netflix documentary about tigers, cheerleaders, and the cute polar bear from last year’s Nature documentary. We’re bored, we’ve spent a little too much time hanging out with our parents, and we’re ready to lower our standards.

August

“What’s its actual name?” — Iris M. Lewis

“Frozen II.” — Caroline E. Tew

“That’s pathetic.” — Iris M. Lewis

Why: Kalos has written his third (fourth?) piece for the Arts Board on the “Frozen” franchise, which begins, yet again, with an intro about the snubbing of animated movies at the Oscars and ends with a rousing reminder of the joyful undertones of “Show Yourself.” Guess you gotta do something to pass the time these days.

September

“Siri, remind me at 11 P.M. tonight to eat my cheese.” — Kalos K. Chu

Why: We’ve forgotten what day it is, we’ve forgotten what “restaurant” means, and we’ve definitely forgotten to eat our cheese. Thank god we’ve got Siri to bring a little order to the chaos.

October

“so will my job end calmly or will the world explode ? who can say” — Amelia F. Roth-Dishy

Why: We’re all scrambling to stay motivated and “address edits” as a potential Civil War looms on the horizon.

November

“Little known fact... I’m a Republican.” — Iris M. Lewis

Why: This one’s self-explanatory. We’re watching the map start to turn red, we’re peering at the TV screen through our fingers, and some of us are getting ready to elope. You know who you are.

December

“You should quote me saying something sweet that encapsulates the year.” — Kalos K. Chu

Why: How are we supposed to sum up the downright insanity of 2020? I’m not sure — but I do know that in this challenging, chaotic year, the ever-quotable members of Crimson Arts were an indispensable bright spot.

— Incoming Arts Chair Joy C. Ashford can be found stanning the Arts Board and adding to the list of quotes, overdue homework assignments, and assorted admin links she reportedly keeps in a single, terrifying Apple note. For any urgent matters, please do not email her at joy.ashford@thecrimson.com.