BREAKING: Adams Declares War on Currier
A state of war exists between the Quad and the River. Last night, in response to a sabotage of the Adams House mascot poll by students in Currier House, Adams House suspended its poll and declared war on Currier.
"The leadership and students of Currier House, fully complicit, have naughtily infiltrated our mascot selection process, and for this we shall not stand," Adams House said in its formal declaration of war.
Concurrent with the declaration, Adams banned all Currierites from the House, including the Dining Hall, and asserted that Adams House now controls the Currier Tree and Currier House Crest. Adams also asserted that Currier should now be referred to as "Adams House Quad Outpost."
Adams also warned that former Currierites will be subject to pranks, espionage, and attacks on "sanity and comfort."
House wars have loomed before, though none have come to fruition quite so famously as the Pfoho-Adams War of 1999, when Adams House declared war on Pforzheimer House as a part of the debate on dining hall restrictions. That war ended with Pforzheimer being awarded swipe privileges in Adams Dining Hall. Who knows what victory in this one will mean.
This article has been revised to reflect the following correction:
CORRECTION: April 11
An earlier version of this post said that Adams House's formal declaration of war was written by House Committee Chair for Special Projects Antone Martinho III '13. In fact, the declaration was unsigned.