Return of the Ivy League Campus Story

By Betty Anne Richardson

The Ivy League Campus Story is back, and to no one’s surprise, it is not lit. Unlike the snap stories of DJ Khaled, Groundhog Day, and the Iowa Caucuses, the Ivy League Story will not teach you the major keys to success, predict the future (weather), or remind you why 20% of millennials don’t vote. To preserve your sanity from one too many Columbia try-hards, we’ve recapped more than you’ll ever need to know about the Ivy League Campus Story.

Columbia is filled with try-hards

For reasons unknown the revived Ivy League Campus Story appears to be constantly dominated by Columbia students. Maybe it’s some kind of attempt at over-compensation driven by a deeply rooted inferiority complex. Either way, just talking at the camera isn’t going to cut it, Columbia. We expect a little more effort towards entertainment for our procrastination purposes.

Valentine's Day romance?

Apparently other Ivy League students are feeling the pressures of cuffing season a little more than the rest of us. So much so that a love triangle seems to have formed between a snapchat famous bachelor from Penn, a young lady from Dartmouth brave enough to ask him to be her Valentine for the world to see, and three more potential suitors from Harvard (so, technically a love pentagon). No, this is not the plot line to this year’s most anticipated romcom.

Columbia has sororities.

And if we wanted to hear screaming girls, we would’ve just watched The Bachelor.

“Suh dude” means “what’s up dude.”

Since “suh dude” isn’t self-explanatory by any means and does not sound/look anything like “sup dude,” we were so proud to see one of the only four Harvardians in tonight’s story give us the definition of this ever-so confusing slang. At least we know that we can always rely on those who make it on to the Campus Story to uphold the fine reputation of Harvard.

Apparently #IvyLeagueIntroductionChallenge is now a thing

No, not the standard “Harvard Introduction” you used all of Freshman Week of name, dorm, and concentration. The one thing that almost all of the most recent snaps that had the true honor of making it onto Ivy League Story had in common was that they had students across the Ivies rapping introductions of themselves with #IvyLeagueIntroductionChallenge. Take note of this if you’re looking for a surefire way to achieve snapfame.

Though we’ll always probably mourn the loss of our very own Harvard Campus Story, sharing the spotlight seems to be better than no Campus Story at all.

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