The Seven Sins of Halloween Costumes

It’s a day out until Halloweekend, and you’ve been prioritizing all the wrong things: midterms, recruiting events for internships you missed the deadline for, and color-coding your GCal. Unfortunately, in your exhaustion, you forgot about Harvard’s favorite three-day bender (or five if you make it to Halloween!). Now, you’re at Party City three hours before your first event. Before swiping your credit card, don’t forget the seven deadly sins of Halloween costumes:

SLOTH… or too lazy

Time may be short, and you may not have time to put all the pieces of your intricate idea into your Amazon cart. DIYing is a totally acceptable and an encouraged option, but doing it yourself is NOT an excuse to be lazy. Don’t be one of those Halloweekenders who hastily scotch-tapes a McDonald’s logo to a yellow shirt and calls themselves a Happy Meal. (Or me, last year attempting to staple SideChat onto a pink top… it did not work.)

LUST… or sexy without substance

To quote the Hot Girl Bible Mean Girls, “The hardcore girls just wear lingerie and some form of animal ears.” Listen, we’ve all been there: wearing a corset and a mini skirt with cat ears brings out the girlboss (and the cleave) in everyone. But come on, been there and done that. There is absolutely nothing wrong with showing a little skin on Halloween, but all we ask is that you pair more than ambiguous whiskers with your stunning fit.

PRIDE… or the “best” costume in the group

We get it — your roommates did not want to help with the group costume. That does not mean that you can make yourself the star of the show. Just because you would kill in a Beyonce costume does not mean your friend needs to be Michelle or Kelly. A better costume exists! Maybe they’re Solange and Jay-Z in the elevator? Taylor and Kanye at the 2009 VMAs?

ENVY… or the costume that no one gets

Being creative without entering your manic pixie dream girl era is a fine line to skate. You can be “not like other girls” in the safety and isolation of your dorm. Don’t bring that energy to Halloweekend. No one knows that one character from that one TV show based on that limited edition video game… and frankly, no one could care less to hear you shout-explain it over Monster Mash.

WRATH… or settling for the worst costume just to be petty

And, just as bad as leaving your friends out, is letting yourself be left out just so you can be passive aggressive until Harvard-Yale. Even if they assigned the roles while you were out of the room, and you got stuck being the worst (e.g. the Commissioner Gordon to Batman and Robin, the Alan to Barbie and Ken, or Pete Davidson to any celebrity couple), it’s not too late to come up with a better substitute.

GREED… or trying to be the most relevant in the room

I appreciate a couple’s costume as much as the next romantic, but I swear that I will gouge my eyes out if I see more than two pairs of Barbie and Ken this weekend. If you try to be the coolest cat at the party, you won’t be. Don’t get me wrong, keeping it relevant means that everyone will get your costume. It also means, however, that you probably have to dish a lot more out to make your fit stand out against the masses. Take my advice, avoid the Barbenheimer or Taylor and Travis cults this weekend. Save it till they become slightly less relevant… so, maybe in three years. (Editor’s Note: This does not apply to Taylor Swift. Mother will always be on top.)

GLUTTONY… or trying to be the most in the room

There is such a thing as too much. Wings that weigh you down, plastic swords that bite more than a papercut, and jeweled necklaces that look like they came off the Champs-Élysées should all stay home. People, always avoid the over-the-top costumes at all costs — no one wants to wake up with a cut from your plastic appendage. I’m not insisting that your costume needs to be simple. Just make sure that you aren’t risking public safety on your quest to be best dressed.

Closing Thoughts:

Truthfully, after the midterm trenches we have been in, if you make it to Halloween in any form of clothing, you’re doing better than most of us.

Honestly, this whole piece was just a plug for the Seven Sins Group Costume my blocking group is doing. I’m Greed, and, yes, I’m getting money with my face printed on it. — Kat

Just please, for the love of all things good, don’t be Kiss, Marry, Kill… like me (yikes). — Laasya

Good luck this weekend and stay safe <3.