House (dorm and assigned house): Hurlbut and Eliot.

Concentration: No attention span.

Hometown: Wherever the Marines send the family.

Ideal Date: September 18.

Best way for a guy/girl to get your attention: Pepper spray.

Where to find you on a Saturday night: In room, recovering from pepper spray.

Your best pick-up line: LOVE ME. PLEASE.

Best or worst lie you’ve ever told: Oh yeah, I get it now…

Something you’ve always wanted to tell someone: (To Domna) My name is Asher, not Asser.

Favorite childhood activity: Mispronouncing my name as Asser.

Sexiest physical trait: Lack of pattern recognition.

Best part about Harvard: The girls.

Worst part about Harvard: The pepper spray.

Describe yourself in three words: God makes mistakes.

In 15 minutes you are: Still wondering why the hell I got scoped.

In 15 years you are: Barefoot and pregnant in Arkansas, living in a shotgun shack.

Asher L. Bartch