As the school year rolls on, increasingly events come up that require a date. If you’re like us and feel personally attacked every time you see an invitation that kindly suggests you bring a date, look no further. We’ve assembled the perfect tips to help you find the perfect date.

Put your stalking skills to good use

We know you’re actually scrolling through Facebook when you text your blockmates that you’re “studying at Lamont.” Your stalking abilities are top notch, so what are you waiting for? Send a daring message to that person you friended on Facebook during Visitas who has that really cute profile picture (yes, we know it’s from prom two years ago, but they can’t have changed that much, right?).

Stalking skills, continued

If social media fails you, you may need to take some more drastic measures. Hell, dust off that Freshman Register that your mom made you buy. There’s a reason why the index is alphabetized by first name. Another pro tip: take advantage of the sports rosters. Think about it for a moment: the headshots of every single athlete here are easily accessible on the Internet, along with random, cute facts about their high school “careers.”

Harvard’s digital tools

Do not underestimate the power of the Internet. And what’s more wholesome than sending a lighthearted message to your target via Canvas? We won’t blame you if you “accidentally” send one to your TF as well.

Dating apps

We’re not proud either, but sometimes you just have to use them. Lure in that wide-eyed student from BC/Northeastern/Wellesley with the false promise of a rare Harvard rager, then bring them along to your event. Just prepare a charming made-up story of how you met.

Good old in-person

You only live once, so take a risk. Approach your section/entryway/d-hall/MAC crush and pop the question. You’ll come off as awkward in the most adorable way, and they’ll at least be flattered that you thought of them. Better yet, ask all four of the aforementioned people. This is a selective school after all.

Considering that cuffing season is already in full force, we can’t guarantee that any of the above will work. After all, why are you even taking advice from us? Flyby writers are lonely too. On second thought, what are you doing next weekend? ;)