HoCo Chair: Let’s run through the plan for delivering the letters.
Junior: Ok. So we enter chanting “Oh Kirkland!”
HoCo Chair: Sounds good…
Junior: We knock on the door, hand over the letter, everyone cheers.
HoCo Chair: Uh huh…
Junior: And then we make out with them!
HoCo Chair: Dammit, no! We talked about this!
Junior: Sorry, I forgot. First we get them to make out with each other!
HoCo Chair: Sorry I’m late. There was a traffic jam in front of the salad bar. You know how it is--one person decides they want croutons and the whole servery grinds to a halt. Which reminds me, after tomorrow there’s going to be a hundred extra people with dining hall access. It’s time--
Junior:He’s trying to say it’s time to pick the names. We barely fit as it is. Some poor bastards are going to have to eat in Lowell.
Sophomore: Instead of doing this every year, why don’t we just kick out all the Pfoho kids?
HoCo Chair: I wish we could. Look at those two hogging a table.
Sophomore: They don’t even have any food. They’re just staring at us. Are they creeping anyone else out?
HoCo Chair: Don’t worry, it’s just a scare tactic. Ever since they failed at the mascot thing, they’ve been trying to intimidate us in person. They’ll be sorry when they see our real mascot...when we pick it in 2017.
Sophomore: But why do they look so hungry?
HoCo Chair: They’re just tired from walking.
HoCo Chair: Woohoo! You guys ready to give out some letters!?
Junior #1: Didn’t you get the email? We’ve decided we’re not doing that this year.
HoCo Chair: What? Why? Is it because of the Game of Throp theme?
Junior #2: It’s not that. After they told us we weren’t getting singles we did some calculations.
Junior #1: It turns out if we don’t take in any new students, almost 38 percent of the senior class will get their own room! We may even have enough extra space to let juniors unbunk their beds!
Hoco Chair: But what are we going to do with all these Game of Throp t-shirts?! More importantly, where will all the freshmen go?
Junior #2: We could send them to Leverett. No one will notice a few extra students there.
HoCo Chair: Mules? Check. Pfood? Check. Sherpas? Check. Ok guys looks like we’re ready for this trek. If we leave now we should make it to the Yard by Thursday morning.
Sophomore: Did we really need to bring a live polar bear? She takes up a lot of space on the sledge, and I’d kind of prefer we had the emergency rations. You remember what happened to those guys that got stuck in the blizzard right? I heard they-
HoCo Chair: We don’t talk about that. Ok? Drew and Vinay have been through enough without you reminding them what they had to do to survive out there in the snow. Besides, she’ll look great next to the “Pfhome Sweet Pfhome” banner. Now iPf that’s all, let’s go. Don’t let me Pforget to tip the Pferryman.