Nowadays, the Harvard Class of 2017 Facebook page is just about as exciting as your dorm’s email list. Intramural soccer? Boring. Lost wallet? Boring. Prime minister of Norway coming to speak? Boring. But once upon a time, the page was full of posts revealing your classmates’ delightful combination of desperation, talent, and insecurity. Now that most of us have gotten the chance to reveal these qualities to one another in person, let’s relive some of the best types of prefrosh Facebook posts.
“Hey, does anyone know what the equation for oxygenated photosynthesis is?”
Isn’t weird how Google suddenly stops working as soon as you’re accepted to college? Your acceptance email comes and then poof! All of a sudden, Google’s gone and you’re left to check your biology homework using ChaCha and a group of 2,112 strangers. Perhaps the CS50 students can do something to fix this.
“Is anyone else taking Ec 10?”
Nope, no one. It’s just going to be you and Mankiw. So really, it’s just going to be you.
“I can’t decide between Harvard, Princeton, Amherst, Stanford, Dartmouth, Williams, Cornell, and Yale.”
Let’s be honest. You already accepted Harvard’s offer of admission. In fact, you accepted immediately after you got the email. And come on, you really couldn’t decide between Harvard and Cornell?
“Remember when there were only like 300 people in this group. Lol.”
Translation: I got in early action, and I want you to know it.
“I already really hate Yale”
Okay, so you don’t really hate Yale. In fact, you actually had a really nice time at Bulldog Days. The Whiffenpoofs were great, and you’ve always dreamed of going to the Law School.
“Hey, if anyone is at the McDonald’s in Baudette, Minnesota right now, I’ll be here for the next 20 minutes and I’d love to meet up!”
Have you never seen Dateline?
“What languages do you guys speak?”
Translation: I speak fifteen.
<<Insert picture of girl in bikini on exotic vacation>>
“Oops, accidentally posted this on the wrong page! ;)”
This isn’t texting. You don’t just accidentally post things on the wrong Facebook page. And then never remove them.
“I feel like I already have 2,112 friends”
Spoiler alert: you don’t.
“So what’s the lowest your GPA can drop without having your acceptance rescinded?”
I don’t know, but I have a feeling Faust won’t be calling you about the 94.1% in your gym class.
“Did anyone else receive their placement test scores today?”
Translation: Ask me what I got on my placement test.
“Does AT&T or Verizon work better in Boston?”
This isn’t rural New Guinea. Get AT&T or Verizon or Virgin Mobile. Hell, get the Walmart Family Plan. I guarantee they’ll all send your “What did you get for number 4 on the physics p-set?” texts equally well.
“My great aunt’s bake shop is in the running for the best small town strudel in small town, rural Nebraska. It would mean SO MUCH to me if you’d vote for her.”
Like the Gov 1310 scandal, this may or may not be construed as cheating.
“Hey guys! Last summer I started a non-profit social charity initiative in New York City. If you’re interested in tutoring disadvantaged children over Skype, let me know!”
Translation: Hey guys, last summer I realized my grades weren't great, my dad’s donation wasn’t quite large enough, and going to concerts doesn’t count as an extracurricular activity. So my college admissions coach started a non-profit for me and now that I’ve been accepted, I’m totally in to helping others. Harvard students like that kind of thing, right?
“Hey guys, does anyone want to be friends?”
Finally. No gimmicks. Just straight to the point.