The deadline to make your college choice is drawing near, dear prefrosh. Around 60 percent of cross-admits make the right choice, but we’re here to convince pre-frosh to go Crimson just in case the future 40 percent makes the biggest mistake of their lives. Here are all the reasons why you should ditch the trees and party with us this fall instead. After all, while Stanford may be the “Harvard of the West Coast,” we are still the Harvard of everything.

The Oval
The Oval, a floral garden that features the cardinal "S" logo of Stanford University, marks the official visual entrance to the campus.

Stanford students hate it

First of all, even Stanford students themselves love to rant about their school’s many shortcomings. Several years ago, a Stanford Daily writer created a Google Doc where over a hundred students complained about everything from the residential life to lack of diversity and good food. Wow, Stanford kids are actually doing our work for us here.

Stanford who?

Founded a whopping 250 years after Harvard, Stanford is a still mere plebe. We’ve got seven (!) United States President alumni. How many does Stanford have? One—and Hoover is surely no JFK or Obama. Furthermore, when is the last time you’ve seen a Stanford reference on TV? Exactly.

Ain’t got no cash

The community college of Palo Alto lacks not only the prestige and fame of the oldest university in the US but also our funds. With the biggest university endowment in the world, Harvard offers 11 percent more financial aid to 9 percent more students, compared to Stanford. We ain’t sayin you’re a Gold Digger but you shouldn’t mess with no broke colleges unless you like student debt.

Middle of nowhere

With the closest major city a whole hour away and virtually no businesses (or human life for that matter) around campus, Stanford is literally located in a big dusty farm. If you come to Harvard though, the T will whisk you away to the center of Boston in less than 20 minutes. Bonus points: a lit weekend in NYC is a mere 3 hours away!

Inferior social life

Maybe the lack of late night eateries and tiny dorms are to blame for the absolute lack of any resemblance of a party culture, but Stanford’s social scene is dryer (in both senses) than the jokes of a semi-secret Sorrento Square social organization that used to occasionally publish a so-called humor magazine. You will also be asked to leave the school if you are caught with any alcohol...

Stanford students kind of suck

No shade (but totally shade), the quality of the student body is seriously lacking. To put it simply, Stanford students cheat a lot and an admissions officer once said. "We could have thrown out all the students we accepted, and chosen a new class from the ones rejected, and we would have a stronger class." Can Stanford students even catch a break at this point?

At this point if you don’t choose Harvard over a broken mess of an institution, you are a masochist. Sad for the students already enrolled there, who not only deal with all of the above, but wear an uglier shade of red.