Cashing In: A Parents' Weekend Pillage of the Square

For the enterprising Harvard student, Parents' Weekend profits can amply compensate for the embarrassment of Dad's brown plaid pants. With a little tactical planning, this Friday and Saturday offer the perfect opportunity to convince parents to whip out their pocketbooks. A local tour is the ideal scam to exploit familial generosity to its fullest potential. (Parents "love" the Square.) So pop an aspirin, drink a glass of water and set out painfully early to ensure enough time to hit these lucrative "sights" of Harvard Square:

Sight 1:

The Greenhouse Cafe. Over chocolate chip pancakes, crispy hash browns and an omelet, lie. Mention offhand that the dining hall is rumored to have come under suspicion from the Massachusetts Health Inspection Board. *Ching: $25 in Greenhouse gift certificates, good for that late-night carrot cake hankering.

Sight 2:

Cardullo's. Conveniently situated beside the Greenhouse, Cardullo's carries an array of gourmet treats rarely accessible to the Harvard student on a budget. Point out Mom's favorite coffees and desserts. Explain how just browsing here reminds you of home. *Ching: six varieties of gourmet cookies and a pound of hazelnut coffee.

Sight 3:

The Gap. Located above the historic Tannery, the Gap offers Harvard students khaki pants and other preppy staples. Hint that the jeans on sale in the back bear an uncanny resemblance to your favorite pair from high school. *Ching: new jeans, a sweater and enough socks to suggest some sort of compulsive disorder.

Sight 4:

The Coop. Exaggerate the store's policy on year-end profit sharing. *Ching: six Harvard notebooks, a crimson clipboard and a Coop bill change-of-address form.

Happy touring!