FM Imagines Gender Reversal: Final Clubs

"It's so cold out here," one freshman grumbles, buttoning up his polo outside The Bee, "I wish I wore a thermal. God why did I shave this morning?"

"We should have pregamed in Pennypacker," his roommate says. "I could use a beer blanket right now."

They are first in a line of at least 30 freshmen, which slowly grows longer as boys stumble in from the yard and as the occasional taxi arrives from BU.

"Are you on the list?" a Bee girl asks, standing in the doorway. "This is a list party, the theme is lumber-jack-o'-lanterns. I don't see your pumpkin."

The freshman turns to his friends, a group of six boys and a girl from Canaday C-entryway. With the exception of Chris, who always wore flannel, none of them are “in theme”.

"We could try La Vie?" Chris suggests, "Jeff texted me, he says it’s good, lots of girls. At least five."

"I just want to get drunk with my boys and dance on a table, is that too much to ask?" another says.

While the group is discussing possible options, a pair of freshman boys linked at the elbow stumbles out of the final club.

"Kathryn ignored me again," one of them pouts. "Do you think I wasn't obvious enough? I kept walking past her suggestively, but it was such a sausage fest she didn't even notice me. God, I'm gonna be alone forever. Maybe I should text Jenna..."

The other checks his watch. "We should hurry. Noch's closes in 10 minutes."

The rest of the line grows impatient. There is a gentle hum of boys complaining about the wait and complimenting each other's lumberjack apparel. "Your jack-o'-lantern is phenomenal," one says, "I just don't have the facial hair to pull that off."

"Can we get in soon?" One boy calls from the back, "Also, I love your jeans, are they from the basement of Urban Outfitters?"

The Bee bouncer, who is growing impatient herself, catches sight of a particularly young looking boy in the group and perks up. "Freshman?" she asks. "I guess you guys can come in, but the girl has to stay outside."