Nicole J. Levin
You need to start making a good impression, and you need to do it quickly -- before participation grades are due.
Richard A. Slone has never missed a lecture by Shaye J.D. Cohen, Littauer Professor of Hebrew Literature and Philosophy. Like certain unnamed students in Cohen’s Culture and Belief course, he doesn’t make it to 10 a.m. class. He knows that they are taped. However, unlike most of the students in the class, he listens to them on his bike as he trains for triathlons. Also, he’s “semi-retired,” which I guess most of us aren’t.
FM’s Cambridge office is looking for interns for the summer to help with the magazine’s culture section and proof-read articles and what not.
It was March 11, and by 2 p.m. the temperature had reached a scorching 55. The ice on the ground had turned to puddles, the birds were chirping, and the flowers were practically bursting into bloom. We suspected that Cambridge runners would be emerging from their own basement-gym hibernations and migrating back to their natural habitat: the six mile loop around the Charles.
Here you are, just a day before spring break with no plans. All of your blockmates are going to Florida, but you never bought your ticket because you have a fear of purchasing airline tickets (who knows if the site is going to crash???). You could stay on campus and finally catch up on all that reading you missed, but no. You can’t do that. So here are some last minute, cheap options for spring break!
River Run. It’s a tradition as old as Harvard itself (give or take 360 years) where freshmen take shots at every upperclassmen house the Housing Day eve. Other than ritual slaughter, it is the only way to appease the Housing Gods and guarantee good housing and a plentiful harvest in the Lowell Community Garden.
Our ever-curious and anonymous freshman has Housing Day on his mind. Below, three of FM’s experts answer Josh’s questions about blocking group drama, floating, and avoiding the Quad.
It is Junior Parents Weekend, or JPW as your acronym-loving friend likes to call it. It’s time to take mom and pop to Harvest and remind them why they are paying so much money to send you to school 5,000 miles away—they only want to see you once a year. But when they aren’t buying you fancy food, things might get awkward. Luckily, I have some advice to keep your parents happily distracted during their stay.
Upon meeting me, Sam Cooper ’14 of Hot Breakfast offers me a plate of oysters from Eliot dining hall and informs me that I am his Datamatch. This might be a conflict of interest.
Getting gifts for Valentines Day has always been complicated (do you use debit or credit?) but the Hookup Culture has made the situation even more difficult. You shouldn’t buy anything that comes off as too clingy, but then again, you probably shouldn’t be buying anything at all. Luckily, I am here with some helpful advice.
Although Josh stopped coming to us for advice after the last “Advice to Josh” column, we decided to give our freshman friend some tips for how to survive Freshman Formal. Here are some of the questions we (rightly) assumed he would be asking. You’re welcome, Josh!
As a current editor of The Crimson I am alarmed that you have dropped your middle initial from your byline. You recently wrote that your middle initial is an unnecessary relic from your days at The Crimson and is no longer necessary for your career as an established journalist at The New York Times. As a Crimson editor it is my duty to reach out to you and correct this egregious stylistic error.
As the wise and respected social leader on campus, FM was inevitably going to be asked how to be “cool” one of these days. Recently, a first year we’ll call “Josh” (because his real name is Josh) came to us asking how to survive the brutal social life of a male Freshman on campus. Four of FM’s best weighed in to turn Josh’s social woes into social woooooahs.
That brought me to The Color Diet, something that I could at least camouflage as healthy. The Color Diet claims to introduce more vitamins into your meals by eating only one color a day. To prepare, I decided to eat a mix of every colored Starburst the night before.
Want to look good this Halloween but just realized you gained too much weight to go as a sexy cat again? Or maybe you just found out that the Garment District isn’t actually an entire district, and have been too embarrassed to go ever since? Or is it that you realized that the life-sized Furby costume that you’ve been planning isn’t as original as you thought? If you’ve answered yes to one or all of these questions, then you could use a last minute sexy Halloween costume. You could also use a refresher in high school rhetoric. The questions were rhetorical.