For the select few who will be tuning in to the Opening Ceremonies of the Vancouver 2010 Winter Olympics this Friday, FM has developed some drinking games to make this year’s Ceremony even more forgettable. Follow our user-friendly guide to achieve the optimum level of drunkenness:
Just like shooting blanks
For however many athletes from Mexico, Jamaica, or any other tropical country of your liking march into the stadium, prepare a shot.
Tipsy enough to still complete a problem set
Take a shot every time the twiggy male athletes in skin-tight jumpsuits turn out to be from the women’s division, and vice versa.
How’d I turn my shirt inside out?
Raise your glass and toast Conan and his bravado every time NBC plugs in a commercial for the post-Olympics return of “The Tonight Show With Jay Leno.”
Go to lecture on Monday hungover
Take a good, hard sip whenever the announcers say the phrase “It’s truly a great day.”
The view from inside the toilet bowl
Chug a beer every time the network shows a clip of figure skating and you see or hear the term “triple salchow.” Double the drinks if you know what that term even means.
Wake up in UHS hooked up to a stomach pump
Every time someone ends a sentence with “Eh?” or pronounces “about” as “aboot,” take a shot. You’ll need about three handles of hard liquor per player if you intend on lasting through the entire broadcast.
Hope the roommate is a liver donor match
Realize that life has become so pathetic that you’re actually watching the Winter Olympics, and then commence drinking to console yourself ’till you pass out and forget your troubles. The game will end twice as fast if you’re watching the Opening Ceremonies alone.