Advisor: So, what are you thinking about concentrating in?
Student: I don’t even know what that word means.
Advisor: It’s like a major but you can only choose Economics or something intellectual-sounding with a secondary in Economics.
Student: Well, should I also be thinking about Gen Ed requirements?
Advisor: I don’t know. I’m a swim coach.
Student: You must know something about Harvard.
Advisor: I coach at BU.
Advisor: Welcome back! How are you liking the Quad?
Student: I feel empty inside.
Advisor: Cool! So what concentrations are you thinking about!?
Student: Economics or English, but, to be honest, after the death of my au-
Advisor: Great options! If you choose Economics, you’ll probably end up working in consulting. If you choose English, you’ll also work in consulting, but with a firmer grasp of James Joyce.
Student: Nothing matters.
Advisor: Storage matters! It closes at 7:30 a.m.
Advisor: How are you feeling about your concentration choice?
Student: It’s pretty good, but it feels kind of anonymous.
Advisor: Well, Tim, if you wanted to be hugged you could’ve done Folklore and Mythology.
Student: My name is Emily.
Advisor: I’m going to call you Tim.
Advisor: How did thesis research go this summer?
Student: I want to drop it.
Advisor: That’s…awkward for our concentration statistics.
Student: Well, could you help me interpret this data.
Advisor: Oooh, there are a lot of pages, and I have a New York Times op-ed to write.
Student: But I don’t even know what the word regression means.
Advisor: I don’t either. I’m a swim coach.