Fake Harvard Apps

FM is hard at work thinking up some new apps that would help us with the real Harvard struggles.
By Bettina Edelstein

Even as we mourn the loss of the UC’s once-hyped app Ventfull—which, let’s be honest, none of us used anyway—FM is hard at work thinking up some new apps that would help us with the real Harvard struggles. CS50 Fair next year, anyone?


Forget the old-fashioned sock on the door; this app is the only way to survive life in a double. You will be alerted when your roommate is getting it on with his or her significant other/random hook-up buddy, sparing you awkward and unwanted encounters.


Don’t deny it—we all reach for our phones to avoid an awkward run-in on the walk from Widener Gate to the Science Center. Sometimes, though, pretending to text just isn’t enough. Whether you’re hoping for a run-in with the guy you hooked up with last week (or desperately trying to avoid him), CoastIsClear has you covered. Input your destination and who you do/don’t want to see, and this app will map out the perfect route for you. Who cares if it takes you out of your way and you end up at the Quad on your way from Sever to Barker? Worth it.


God forbid you should have to to eat alone in the dhall, marooned at table C10 hoping to make eye contact with that one FOP buddy you haven’t seen in months. HUDSify will send official-looking email documents straight to your phone, so you can pretend to do work while you eat your solitary bowl of Cracklin’ Oats. It will also let you know how long the line is at Annenberg, so you can avert the post-Ec10 stampede.


There are few things worse than getting a notification that you’ve been tagged in three pictures from last night, none of which you remember taking. This app automatically untags you from those embarrassing photos (read: a picture of you kissing a taxidermied bear while dancing on a table).


Market in the Square has all your heart’s desires wrapped up in a tortilla, but getting there takes that critical extra minute of walking that you’re just not willing to spend. This app will deliver your favorite sandwich, wrap, or snack from Market to your room, 24 hours a day. For a minimal extra fee, you can request a personal delivery from Rigo himself.


We’ve all trekked from Winthrop to DeWolfe to Mather only to arrive there and share an elevator ride with an angry tutor ready to shut down the party. This app will update you in real time with proctor alerts from around campus, so you can save both your disappointment and your precious time.

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