As the wise and respected social leader on campus, FM was inevitably going to be asked how to be “cool” one of these days. Recently, a first year we’ll call “Josh” (because his real name is Josh) came to us asking how to survive the brutal social life of a male Freshman on campus. Four of FM’s best weighed in to turn Josh’s social woes into social woooooahs.
Harvard’s new capital campaign aims to raise $6.5 billion dollars, trumping Stanford’s previous record by a cool $300 million just because, you know, we have to be number one. This is great news for students! With $6.5 billion in the bank and about 6,500 undergraduates (give or take), we should each get our fair share of one million dollars. Here’s how to spend yours. Harvard, we take cash or credit, but prefer direct deposit.
“It was a totally ordinary Tuesday night,” said John. “I was watching seasons two through five of ‘The Office’ on Netflix, and suddenly my roommates came in, all excited. They were way happier than I’ve seen them in months. It was weird.”
Hey there, lovebirds! It’s Valentine’s Day, and you know what that means: Dozens of you will be having happy, romantic evenings around the Square tonight, while the rest of us will be stuck with whatever questionable casserole HUDS feels like serving. But it doesn’t have to be that way! FM is here to find you a restaurant that’s singles friendly.
I no longer know what to believe in. One day, glorious winter is upon us, sheathing us in a cold white burrito wrap and masking the falseness that lies beneath in the austere perfection of thinglessness. Rarely has my heart been as thrilled as when I saw the world reduced to this.