“It was a totally ordinary Tuesday night,” said John. “I was watching seasons two through five of ‘The Office’ on Netflix, and suddenly my roommates came in, all excited. They were way happier than I’ve seen them in months. It was weird.”
Hey there, lovebirds! It’s Valentine’s Day, and you know what that means: Dozens of you will be having happy, romantic evenings around the Square tonight, while the rest of us will be stuck with whatever questionable casserole HUDS feels like serving. But it doesn’t have to be that way! FM is here to find you a restaurant that’s singles friendly.
I no longer know what to believe in. One day, glorious winter is upon us, sheathing us in a cold white burrito wrap and masking the falseness that lies beneath in the austere perfection of thinglessness. Rarely has my heart been as thrilled as when I saw the world reduced to this.
I took a perverse joy in making my friends’ parents uncomfortable, explaining in more detail than they wanted how my job had me cleaning up fake body fluids and fetching dildos from the storeroom whenever they asked about my “interesting” work.