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On the Bench

By Evan W. Thomas

I've been munching on my sneaker all week long after my Cornell game prediction, but with a gaze at the heavens and a glance into the Pi Eta Club garbage can, here are my picks;

COLUMBIA-RUTGERS - A month ago, Columbia was a title contender with its "best team in 25 years." but a small hurricane in Princeton, a Harvard forearm to the head of quarterback Don Jackson, and Yale's Dick Jauron have left the Lions in seventh place with an 0-2-1 record. After that, getting up for Rutgers is like getting psyched to take a Boats exam pass-fail. Columbia, 19-9.

PRINCETON-PENN - In the old days, Penn was know as a school that catered to Philadelphia rich boys who were too thick to get into Princeton. But times have changed, and Penn is a more diverse, democratic school drawing on rich and poor boys alike, from all parts of the country, who are too thick to get into not only Princeton, but Harvard and Yale as well. Old grads and undergrads at Penn's Homecoming today will share the ultimate satisfaction of the Ivy League neurotic-- the "you may have rejected us but we beat you in football" syndrome. Penn, 23-14.

BROWN shook the cosmos by winning a game two weeks ago, but the Bruins quickly restored the status quo by giving up 56 points to Yale the next week and 49 to Dartmouth last week (including a 21-point splurge in the space of two-and-a-half minutes). Today, the Bruins have an open date, and the defense will restore its conficence in a scrimmage against the Methuen-Midgets. Midgets, 2-0.

YALE-CORNELL - Tyrell Hennings and Dan Swanson played football together at South Shore High in Chicago four years ago. Now Hennings plays in the same backfield as Dick Jauron and scores touchdowns for Yale. Swanson plays second string left guard for the Crimson touch football team, when he isn't too hungover. Hennings will break a TD run for the Elis today, and Swanson will recover a fumble and wander 80 yards into his own end zone, as Yale beats Cornell, 24-10, and the Crime trounces the Daily Dartmouth, 23-2.

HARVARD-DARTMOUTH - When I went to the Dartmouth game my freshman year, I showed off to my date by predicting which of John Yovicsin's four plays the quarterback would call next. But the quarterback, John O'Grady, a third stringer thrust into the starting role after Yale game hero Frank "42 Seconds" Champi had retired to write poetry and Dave Smith had sprained his ankle running on to the practice field, threw strikes to the Dartmouth linebackers and the Big Green Indians won, 21-10. Dartmouth went on to a championship season, and O'Grady went on to quarterback the Quincy House football team.

My sophomore year, Dartmouth was unbeaten as usual, but Harvard had Rocket Rod Foster at QB. Early in the first quarter. Foster dropped back, spotted a wide-open receiver, and threw the ball into the stands. Dartmouth won again, 49-14. My junior year, Joe Restic came down from the Canadian woods, and another quarterback, Jimmy Stoekel, broke the Harvard passing record with 20 completions, which says something about the last 99 years of Harvard football. But Dartmouth still won, on Ted Perry's last second field goal(" I did it for Dad," Perry told the Record American after the game).

This year, Yovicsin is planning strategy for the intramural athletic program, my girl friend dumped me. Rod Foster is a fourth string fullback, End Zone Crone is at quarterback, and I can't figure out Restic's plays, much less predict them. It's in the stars Harvard, 24-22.

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