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BLee-ve It!: The Love Doctor Is In

By Bryan Lee, Crimson Staff Writer

For the past year, I've had an important role here at The Crimson. More important than football beat writer. Yes, even more important than co-sports editor. Indeed, my duty has been of the highest order: unofficial Crimson love doctor.

You might laugh, but I've had a couple major clients and a few walk-ins as well. My philosophy is pretty simple because I have one cardinal rule. It's

not the whole answer, just a lot of it: You're not ready to date unless

you're totally at peace with the prospect of not dating.

So think of me as Dr. Drew, Dear Abby, Anne Landers, and Adam Corolla rolled up into one--although that would be a hideously ugly person. (Please send any future submissions to bleeve@netscape.net-this could become a semi-regular thing, if enough good letters accumulate.)

Dear Love Doctor,

I am a sophomore and I have recently become infatuated with a senior guy who lives two floors above me in my house. I see him on the shuttle every day, and I have gotten my friends to reschedule their dinner times around his. How do I get him to notice me? And is it worth it to go after a second-semester senior when he'll be leaving me forever in a month?

Sincerely, Confused in Currier

Dear Confused: First of all, you need to get a life of your own. Rescheduling your dinner times around someone else's is stalker-esque.

I have always found that when people try to put themselves in situations where they're likely to "run into" somebody, they come across looking like grade-A losers, mostly because they get nervous--the entire situation is artificial and uncomfortable.

Because you've obviously got loyal and helpful friends, ask one of them to

introduce you to the object of your affection. After all, one is bound to

know him simply from living in the same House. Also, it's good to have a

wingman, for moral support and for the crazy props she is going to give you

in front of him.

The second part of your question is the sticky part, though. What to do

with a second-semester senior? The last thing you want is a guy who puts

wild shots up as the "shot clock" expires, looking to "score."

From the perspective of the second-semester senior, it's tempting to try to squeeze some romance in--there's always the fear that there will never be as fertile a hunting ground as college again. But from the perspective of the Love Doctor, I have to say that it's better just to get to know this person better and become friends in this last month. If something survives after that, great, but remember that a romantic relationship is less likely to

last beyond his graduation than a good friendship.

Dear Love Doctor,

I am junior guy dating two freshmen girls. They are roommates and do not know about the other's relationship with me. I am

man enough to handle two girls at one time, but the problem is that they

constantly talk trash about each other to me. I fear that if they find out

about each other, they will both end their relationship with me and end up

killing each other. What should I do?

Sincerely, Two Freshmen Too Many (from B.C.)

Dear Moron--I mean, Two Freshmen Too Many: you're being a jerk. "I am man enough to handle two girls at one time?" What, you're looking for a job in the lucrative and fast-growing field of pornography? You sound like one-hit wonder Gerardo in "Rico Suave"--"There isn't a woman who can handle a man like me / That's why I juggle two or three."

As good as that is musically, it's horrible in real life. You're being

selfish and immature; even your letter is totally self-focused. It's hard to

believe you could find two girls in this world crazy enough to like you. I hope they find out about each other, become friends and then ditch you.

The larger issue, however, is fidelity. If your s.o. cheats on you, end the relationship--you should forgive your ex as a human being, but forgiveness doesn't mean that there are no repercussions.

That's it for this week, but as I mentioned, any more questions for the

Love Doctor would be great. For sticklers expecting to read about sports on the sports page, expect a more conventional column next week.

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