Editorial Chair

In a fit of rage, filmmaker Michael Moore will finally lose it and gun down Disney CEO Michael Eisner. Can anyone say Bowling for Mickey?

Benjamin J. Toff ’05

Editorial Chair

After the departure of Lecturer on the Study of Religion Brian C.W. Palmer '86, Bartley’s will begin offering a very lean burger made of nothing but skin and bones (vegan of course).

Morgan R. Grice ’06

Associate Editorial Chair

As the Independent publishes its “sex issue”—the only issue of the Indy anyone reads—undergrads will only discover the obvious within its pages: People don’t actually have sex at Harvard—that is, unless they’re drunk.

Travis R. Kavulla ’06

Associate Editorial Chair

Donald Rumsfeld may get sacked for his recent blunders over the torture of prisoners in Iraq, but perhaps Bush will find himself a more idealistic pick—say, Paul Wolfowitz.

Margaret M. Rossman ’06

Associate Editorial Chair

NBC will realize that it no longer has to search frantically for a "Friends" replacement in its Thursday Night Lineup as they finally notice that “Must See TV” is not.

Simon W. Vozick-Levinson ’06

Associate Editorial Chair

In a bold move to reflect the increasingly international nature of modern life, all administrators involved with the ongoing Harvard College Curricular Review will be required, effective immediately, to spend one year in a country far, far away.

Luke Smith ’04

Guest Predictor: Editorial Editor

I was going to make a crack about the dead hooker in the closet, but then I predicted the Women’s Studies committee would come after me—pointy, phallocentric weaponry in hand.