O’Brien Satirizes Federal Lawsuits in Commencement Address

Comedian Conan O’Brien ’85 used his Commencement address Thursday to lampoon the Trump administration’s legal battles with Harvard, mocking the federal government’s claims against the University and its efforts to restrict international students from enrolling.

O’Brien joked that he had his own list of grievances from his undergraduate years — including a “cast-iron” bed, 9 a.m. classes in the Science Center, and dining hall fish spaghetti — and said they carried more weight than the federal government’s ongoing litigation.

“I’m confident that my claims will have more merit than those filed by the President of the United States,” O’Brien said, to raucous applause.

The Trump administration is currently appealing two lawsuits involving Harvard’s ability to enroll international students and block its access to more than $2 billion in research funding. The Department of Justice also launched separate litigation this spring that claims Harvard violated federal civil rights law in its handling of alleged campus antisemitism.

O’Brien also mocked the administration’s bid to block international students from enrolling at Harvard on Thursday in a sardonic nod to their contributions to American culture.

“After all, what has any foreigner ever added to our American culture — with the possible exception of music, literature, art, cuisine, fashion, architecture, dance, scientific breakthroughs, and the core of our moral codes and ethical beliefs?” O’Brien said.

“Seriously, if foreigners hadn’t gummed up the works, we’d all be listening to delightful Calvinist reggae, eating savory Church of England ziti, and dancing the forbidden and sexually charged Lutheran Lambada,” he added, with a rolling purr at the end.

O’Brien closed the bit with a final punchline.

“Harvard, I’ll see your ass in court,” he said.

Later in the address, O’Brien returned to the subject of Washington in a more earnest register, urging graduates to seek “modesty and connection” in what he described as “a period of extreme narcissism.”

“Our current leadership in Washington believes that empathy is a weakness, and that our nation stands supreme alone,” he said.

O’Brien pushed the graduating class to do the opposite — lean into their personal relationships over their individual triumphs.

“My wish for you is not that Harvard becomes the last thing people know about you, but instead that Harvard becomes the least important thing people know about you,” he said.