DEAR NIKKI: The Last Hurrah

As Nikki moves on to executive status at The Crimson, 2006 will usher in a brand new column, and so it’s time to wrap things up. It’s not quite reading period yet, but here’s a refresher course in the most essential subjects I’ve addressed since starting the column this spring. Think of it as SparkNotes for your Harvard troubles...

THE FOUR MAIN TYPES OF QUESTIONS RECEIVED THIS YEAR:


1. So, sex. What’s the deal with it?

—Crude Contributor

Well, if you read “Where do I come from?”—recommended widely by pediatricians—you would have been introduced to the basics of sexual reproduction that have allowed our species to survive for millions of years. But, let’s be honest, sex is about more than procreation, and emotions are always, inevitably, involved. Whatever you do with regards to sex, make sure you treat others with integrity and respect.

Sincerely,
Nikki—who was accused of not having enough sexual references in her columns this year.



2. The meaning of life: What is it? The bigger picture: Is there one?

—Ambitious Amateur

Some would say this question is impossible to answer. Others contend that the question can be answered only after devoting ample time to the study of existential philosophy. I say, however, that the meaning of life is whatever you make of it. In the end—though we have others as support systems and close acquaintances—you are the one that will define the answer to this question. Call me corny, but it’s true. Just think of “The Matrix.”

Om,
Nikki



3. Where can I find love?

—Quixotic Questioner

Love is not something you have to find—usually it happens to you when you least expect it. Of course, the classic Hollywood scenario would involve you dropping your books just as Mr. Right walks by, but in Cambridge, that approach would probably just leave you with soggy notes and a few stares. It is through your classes, extracurriculars, parties, and meals that you’re most likely to find your Prince or Princess Charming.

Hang on to those books,
Nikki



4. How do I deal with the cold? And work? And life?

—Anxious Apprentice

It’s all a matter of priorities. Simply put: mittens over gloves, cuddling over all-nighters, colors over drab clothing, perspective over stress.

Sincerely,
Nikki—who has not mastered this yet.


IN BRIEF: THE MOST CRUCIAL ADVICE OF THE PAST YEAR...

Trouble making decisions: Though medicine and pseudoscience might dictate specific regimens to follow, the most important component of a good decision is simply practical reasoning. And all that means is that you need to use a little bit of both calculation and intuition. Follow a philosophy of “informed intuition”: Pay attention to your gut feeling but also make sure that you’ve done your research. Learn to trust yourself a little bit.



Boyfriend who uses lots of pet-names: To be blunt: I find pet names insufferable. It should be said, however, that there’s a big difference between a fond greeting and maudlin appellations. You want to be able to communicate (and not in baby talk) your concerns to your babbling beau. He may be a little embarrassed, but he’ll ultimately appreciate the fact that you don’t cringe every time he addresses you. Maybe he’ll even learn an important lesson: a woman should be respected.



Girlfriend is a slobbery kisser: I distinctly remember the days when I would giggle at my aunt and uncle making “fishy lips” when they kissed. I was eight. Now we’re in college. And we no longer define kissing as a mode of transferring cooties. If you really like this girl, the rest will come. So, enjoy your fishy lips; maybe you’ll find a little slobber is the key to long-term happiness.



Post-break up sadness: Relationships are about two people—not one; except, of course, if you’re in a ménage-a-trois. Then it’s about three people. Anyway, the point is that if you focus on either what you did wrong or what he did wrong, you will be left with frustration. It was both of you. And that compatibility factor (the chemistry) coupled with timing (I, for one, believe timing is everything) is what brought the relationship to an end. So don’t wrap yourself up in questions of how you could have changed. The worst attitude is to be consumed by the past.



Constantly feeling pressured to buy: It really is simple: first set up some goals for yourself by writing out categories—i.e. books, clothes, food and drinks, illicit drugs (ahem)—and how much money you’d like to spend within each category. Then, record your expenses. And finally, reassess your goals in relation to your spending habits.



—”Dear Nikki” has run on Mondays. All questions have been submitted by Harvard students and published anonymously.