Rebecca M. Harrington

Top 10 Things Not To Wear During The Holidays

Despite the fact that many top 10 lists have an positive bent, it is my experience that cautionary tales work best with you people. Thus I give you:

Top 10 Things Not to Wear During the Holidays:

10. A Christmas themed sweater. This is just wrong. I know you all consciously know this. Yet the other day I was at a party where not one, but two people were wearing reindeer sweaters, perhaps ironically. Irony is lost on the reindeer, however.

9. A velvet skirt. The last time velvet was acceptable in a skirt was during the Elizabethan era. This is because they didn’t have the advantages of furnaces or insulation. They also enjoyed bear-baiting.

8. High-heeled, thick-soled loafers. This particular brand of perennially scuffed footwear is popular among the women of Harvard. I don’t really understand this. The last time I saw this pair of shoes outside Harvard was when I watched “French Kiss” with Meg Ryan. I was 10.

7. Glitter makeup. This trend makes quite a resurgence during the holiday season. No one, however, looks good with blue glitter splayed all over their forehead. This is just common sense. What works in Ibiza does not necessarily translate to Puritan land.

6. Novelty Christmas jewelry. Christmas themed jewelry has singlehandedly ruined two perfectly fine holiday parties for me this year. Though snowmen earrings masquerade as the epitome of festivity, they actually sap festivity from all gatherings.

5. Tartan. This is an unfortunate fabric that drapes unfortunately. Unless you are the direct descendant of Robert the Bruce, I would definitely reconsider it.

4. Pashminas. There is a scene in “Bridget Jones’s Diary” where Bridget defines her romantic travails in terms of pashminas. Then everyone gets drunk, yells about fin-de-millennium feminism and cries about how George Clooney from ER is their real boyfriend. I hope this sufficiently dates the trend for all of you.

3. Unflattering black pants made out of a weird stretchy material.

2. A too tight Oxford shirt made out of what seems to be a polyester blend which exposes everyone’s muffin top, even if they don’t have one. To be worn with the pants described above.

1. Santa hats. Because I actually once broke up with my boyfriend because he wore one to my house.

I hope I’ve now scared you away from your favorite fashion faux pas. Possibly, you all can now spend the holiday season trotting around in fabulous sequined mini-dresses and gold lamé turbans.

This, I feel, will greatly improve your final exam performance.

—Staff writer Rebecca M. Harrington can be reached at