The Year of Bearded Men

Long gone are the days of the clean-shaven man. No more do we find ourselves staring longingly at the smooth faced boy toys from the cover of Tiger Beat magazine. In place of these polished faces, the scruff has emerged. And not just scruff—beards. Power beards. As a girl who fluctuates between dreaming about a future spent in a posh New York apartment and a life spent in a log cabin with my lumberjack lover, I’m not going to lie—I love the beards. So here’s to the best and most powerful beards of 2013.

Walter White: Because how can you talk about anything without talking about “Breaking Bad” these days. This little goatee of power rocked our worlds and transformed a timid school teacher into a hardboiled drug dealer. As his criminal prowess grew, so did the beard. Walter showed us that the manly power of a beard cannot be questioned.

The Red Sox. All of them: If anyone doubted the power of the beard, he or she was proven wrong when the Red Sox took the victory in the World Series. Was it years of training and dedication? Psh. No. We all know it was the beards.

Liam Hemsworth: He made it through Miley. Not because he has a strong emotional core or lots of family support. He made it because he was able to wake up every morning and be greeted by that beautiful animal living on his face. I was personally sad to see it go for “The Hunger Games: Mockingjay—Part 1,” but perhaps after this round of filming he’ll bring it back. And if he doesn’t, he’s still Liam Hemsworth.

Tobey Maguire: He may have had a claim to Spidey powers for over a decade, but now he may finally be able to order a drink without getting carded. This guy no longer looks like a very tired high school student, and I think we all know the beard is to thank for that. Take note, young men everywhere.

Jon Hamm: As if Hamm needed any more proof of his masculinity and, um, power, this outburst of manliness has taken over his face and my heart. He looks exactly like the lumberjack of my dreams. The verdict is still out, however, on whether or not he put down a payment on our cabin.

-Staff writer Abby Noyes is the incoming Columns Exec. Don't ask her out unless you have a working knowledge of Southern geography. She can be reached at abbigaile.noyes@thecrimson.com