Crimson staff writer
Nelson T. Greaves
Latest Content
I Google, Therefore I Am
She’s beginning to understand me, old Internetta. Each day, she and her lap dog Webosperos know more and more about ...
Of Drunkards and Dimwits
Where I come from, dreams go to die. I don’t mean Mordor. That’s where Balrogs go for iron-plated armor. I ...
Suck It, Vampires!
Grooooooorrn. I am a Barvardian Blromp! And I’m magical, other-worldly and mildly derivative. “Huh?,” you say in a spoooooky voice, “Moooore informaaaaaation?” Well… The year is 2014 and I appear on posters and book bags. Twilight has grown staaaaale. “Vampires?,” you say, scoffing and playing your Nintendo “Them” like a Zelfingorger! Forget vampires, give me gorgeous teenage Blromps loving each other’s bodies on a Bliztorte! That would be vokerous!
Birthday Blues
Don’t worry about it. You know what? Not even mad. It’s water under the bridge—less than that—poop shards under the ...
The Skinny on Fatness
I can’t tell if I’m getting fatter or skinnier.I just know that I am. The general bulk is somehow shifting. ...
The Dangers of Technology
My Uncle Deard died last week of natural causes. I know because my mom texted me—texted, in fact, my entire ...