Yona T. Sperling-Milner
Latest Articles
I Love Kids. No, Not Like That!
It was inconceivable that, in the great universal divide between Adorable Child and Creepy Adult, I could be on Team Creepy Adult.
An Update on Gr*ding at Harvard
And lest I neglect to mention: These things are changing now. Three, two, one, go. What are you still reading this report for? Don’t you have a discussion post to do? Move it!
The Great Feminization Has Come to Harvard
If there is a silver lining in these estrogen-encrusted times, it is that the bros are on their way back, baby. Boy am I excited for the dawning era when he-men will once again run our institutions. I simply adore the way they do things.
Stop Complaining About the Laundry Prices, You Unpatriotic Cheapskate
And I’m proud to be a Harvardian, at least I know I’m free. And I won’t forget the liberal judges of the First Massachusetts District Court who temporarily gave that right to me. And I’ll gladly stand up next to you, and contribute every extra quarter I’ve got to stanch the bleeding.
Come At Me, Bro
I propose an alternate strategy: I shall fight Secretary of Education Linda E. McMahon in a televised cage match, the winner of which gets $2.7 billion in federal grants and the power to uphold or destroy America’s continued technological and economic success. Secretary, I hope you brought your mouth guard.
From the Notes of Alan M. Garber
7:08 - We sold my office supplies (to economize) so I am sitting on the floor writing this on a banana peel with a toothpick. It will be legible later; I saw this on Facebook.
The Trump Administration Accidentally Texted Me Its Harvard Plans
The world found out shortly before 3 a.m. Eastern time on March 28 that the Trump administration had decided to rescind all federal funding from Harvard University as well as claim by eminent domain the griffin statues on Robinson Hall as they “would look sick on the White House lawn.”
Studying for My Midterm in Neo-Marxist Class Warfare Propaganda
The government can’t win over the hearts and minds of the youth through gradual institutional reform — their best strategy is to sharpen the contradictions until we cast off our false consciousness and unleash the productive forces of a new world order.
How to Get Away With Murder
Luigi Mangione has proved, irrefutably and gorgeously, that there is no excuse for becoming reconciled to a world of deductibles, debt, and fishies that got sucked into the filter.
Make Harvard Great Again
Harvard is in sore need of some administrative shakeup. It’s time for Harvard to take a page out of the great Vice President-elect JD Vance’s playbook: If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.