Arts Vanity: I Refuse to be Surveilled

It has been a long time since I have had the opportunity to be my truest self — to live free from shame.

Words just cannot capture the liberation I feel in this very moment. As of today, I have officially freed myself from the self-imposed shackles that go by the name of Airbuds. For those not familiar, Airbuds refers to a particularly evil app that permits all of your closest friends to view every song you listen to. Yes, every single one.

Simply put, the app is a panopticon. It is a prison that wishes to instill fear in your heart, and the worst part of all of it is that you are doing it to yourself. It puts up the perfect front: Join the app and share in the joy of music with the people you love! You cannot allow yourself to be fooled by this. You will not be spending your days being filled with the warmth of friendship and shared interest; you will instead be living with the knowledge that you are now being watched.

With this in mind, every future action must be taken with extreme caution. See, this is my problem with Airbuds. With complete respect to its creators, I have been living in terror ever since the day that my alleged friend invited me to download it.

I, a self-proclaimed lover of music, could no longer be vulnerable. There could be no more full listen-throughs of the soundtrack to the 2007 movie musical “Hairspray” and no more hours of crying to the 2012 One Direction masterpiece “Take Me Home.” I had to face it — I was now being perceived by all kinds of characters in my life, and if there was one thing I knew, it was that I was not ready to have an acquaintance see me at my most raw and exposed.

I became entangled in a battle between my most niche, sophisticated self, and the self that craved to be set free. I listened to hours of Mk.gee and Arca, Bladee and LCD Soundsystem, and while these are artists that I sincerely do enjoy with all my heart, I listened with the knowledge that there was a piece of me missing, a me that was being concealed. I was not being fully honest.

I did this for what? What did I gain? Did I ever receive a text from an acquaintance saying, “Wow Ariana, your widely varied and well-rounded taste has changed me as a person”? The answer is no, I absolutely did not. Nobody cares that much at all quite frankly, but I had allowed myself to fall victim to the idea that they did! I genuinely did believe someone would see me having multiple listens of “Temperature” by Sean Paul at 9 a.m. and decide that I am not worthy of love or respect. The prison had won me over and I thought that all eyes were on me.

This is the unfortunate Airbuds effect. The app turned me against myself and stripped me of the pure joy that music-listening once brought me. I had lost my mind! I felt watched in my darkest moments, and today I choose to blame you, Airbuds. With my deletion of the app, I turn over the page on a dark chapter of my life. I am closing the door behind me and looking forward to a bright future. I am done! I will listen to what I want, when I want, and I will do so without the invisible, watchful eye of an awkward amount of my friends and acquaintances.

Music feeds us as the multifaceted creatures that we are! We are just so many things, and music should allow us to revel in that. The joy of music is that you can listen to literally whatever tickles your fancy! Your music taste is yours and yours only, and my argument is that it should not be able to be viewed by all.

In closing off my tale, my proclamation is this: Free yourself! This is not the Niche Taste Olympics, because luckily, the Niche Taste Olympics do not exist! We do not need to create our own personal surveillance hell, because the world is already so cruel as it is! I refuse to be judged for what I indulge in at my lowest, and I think you should too.

As I begin my journey as a Music Exec in the year to come, my heart is open wide to whatever music can possibly be thrown at me. I will indulge in all of it! After all, no one is watching anymore.

Goodbye, Airbuds. I will listen to whatever I want, thank you very much!

—For all who would like to join the fight against music taste discrimination, incoming Music Executive Ariana N. Barillas Santizo can be reached at [email protected].