Arts Vanity: Top Five Fictional Bands I Would Fight the Ticketmaster War To See

Ticketmaster has become a place of peril and strife, full of interminable queues and unexpected fees. But for the right bands, I’m willing to put my sanity on the line to secure that coveted golden ticket. Here are five fictional bands that would inspire me to wade fearlessly into the Ticketmaster war for a chance to attend one of their shows.

Daisy Jones & The Six

If you know me, you know I love “Daisy Jones & The Six.” Dare I admit this fictional band made an appearance on my Spotify Wrapped one year? Based on the book of the same name — which in turn takes loose inspiration from Fleetwood Mac — this TV-show band not only presents onstage tension and melodrama but also delivers addictive tunes that will be stuck in your head for days. “The River” and “Regret Me” rank at the top of my list, but the show’s songwriting team, which includes Chris Weisman, Phoebe Bridgers, and Marcus Mumford, is a powerhouse. I would kill to see this band live in concert, but I’ll have to content myself with watching their story unfold for the fifth time on Amazon Prime instead.

Donna and the Dynamos

For one night and one night only, the world’s first girl power band, Donna and the Dynamos! Sure, this band may just recycle ABBA songs, but given that “Mamma Mia” is a jukebox musical, I think they can be forgiven. They take to the stage with heart, style, and spirit — and “Super Trouper” has never sounded better. Since I’ll tragically never get the chance to see the Dynamos live, Plan B is convincing my mom and her friends to don sparkly jumpsuits and do a rendition at my wedding someday.

The Barden Bellas

Does Ticketmaster sell tickets to college a cappella championships? What about fictional ones? If they did, I would be at the front of the queue to see The Barden Bellas go head to head with the Treblemakers. The “Price Tag/Don’t You (Forget About Me)/Give Me Everything/Just The Way You Are/Party In the USA/Turn The Beat Around” mash-up may be a mouthful, but it genuinely lives rent free in my head. The streets are saying the Bellas are based off of a real a cappella group at the University of Oregon, so maybe I should abandon my Ticketmaster plans and start searching for plane tickets instead.

Alvin and the Chipmunks

Is the only song I can name from these movies “The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late)”? Well, yes. But hear me out. They’re iconic — some might say legendary. During the holidays, you can even catch them on the radio. One might question whether it’s really necessary to catch them in concert, but when else could I possibly get the chance to see three pint-sized squirrels perform “Funkytown”? I fear there is no real world parallel for this band, so this concert will live only in my dreams and on the big screen.

Stillwater

With their dramatic band in-fighting and undeniably entertaining ’70s setlist, the stars of “Almost Famous” are the blueprint for fictional bands. A tirade of near death experiences? Groupies clamoring for a slice of every scene? Friendship-salvaging sing-a-longs that leave you with the warm and fuzzies? It’s all very rock ‘n’ roll. As much as I wish I could actually see Russell Hammond be electrocuted by his microphone mid-concert, this doesn’t seem especially likely — so for the personal safety of all artists involved, I’ll have to satisfy myself with revisiting this moment on Prime Video once again.

—If you would like to kindly donate your HBO Max, Hulu, or Paramount+ passwords so she can expand her fictional band lineup, outgoing Culture Executive and incoming Editor-at-Large Makenna J. Walko can be reached at [email protected].