Arts Vanity: The Art of Pretending to Have Seen a Really Famous Movie

For my entire life, I have been watching movies. In college, I study film. For the past year, I have served as Co-Film Executive for The Harvard Crimson. In my personal life, I am the friend that everyone turns to when they need a movie recommendation or want to discuss a film that they have just seen. As such, I have a certain reputation that I must uphold. When it comes to film, people rely on me to be as knowledgeable and well-read, or well-watched, as I can be.

Unfortunately, I am nothing of the sort. When it comes to the most famous movies of all time, I have seen shockingly few, at least compared to what many people might assume. Ultimately, there are simply not enough hours in the day for me to catch up any time soon, if ever. Nevertheless, for the sake of maintaining the facade of expertise, it is imperative that I convince people that I have seen every single movie that has ever been released.

Because of this, I have become a master at pretending to have seen famous movies, even in cases when I know absolutely zero details about the films themselves. Ultimately, I believe that it would be selfish not to share this skill for the sake of anyone who may need it. Thus, I present my fool-proof, three-step process for successfully faking movie-watching experience. So, next time you need to impress someone by pretending to have seen a classic movie, consider the following tips and tricks.

Step 1: Lead With Indifference

Red alert! Someone has just asked you if you’ve seen one of the most famous movies of all time. Of course, you are going to say yes. However, it is imperative that you are completely unenthusiastic in your response. If you are too excited or insistent when saying that you’ve seen a movie, the person that you are talking to will assume that you are a fan, have a special connection to the movie, or, at the very least, have a lot to say about it. Immediately, you could be in for a world of trouble. To avoid this, you must act completely uninterested in the movie being discussed. The more indifferent you are, the more the other person will assume you don’t have much to say about the movie in question, and thus will be less likely to interrogate you further on the subject.

Step 2: Use Time to Your Advantage

In my experience, you only feel compelled to lie about having seen a movie if it is old enough that there is no excuse for having not seen it. In other words, you never have to lie about not seeing a movie that came out a year ago, because there is nothing shameful about admitting that you simply haven’t gotten to it yet. However, if you have neglected to see an extremely famous movie that came out before you were born, that is significantly more of a “you” problem. Nevertheless, this temporal element of the equation can be used to your advantage. When you tell someone that you have seen an old movie, you must immediately pepper in the fact that you have only seen it once, and that that singular viewing experience occurred a very long time ago. Automatically, the person you are speaking to will be primed to not be suspicious if you are unable to recall specific details or produce any concrete thoughts or opinions about the film.

Step 3: Capitalize on the Other Person’s Eagerness

Finally, in the event that the first two steps fail to get the person you’re talking to to drop the subject altogether, you have to be prepared to dodge specific questions. For this, you must rely on one simple fact: The person you are talking to was the one who brought up the film in the first place, and therefore is eager to talk about it. Therefore, when they hit you with a specific question, like what you think a certain moment symbolized or what you made of the ending, you will respond with silence, pretending to grapple with your response.

While you pretend to muster up a good answer — all the while returning to the fact that you’re not a big fan and haven’t seen it in a while as established previously, perhaps even throwing in an a congratulatory “that’s a good question” here and there — the other person will unsuccessfully attempt to wait their turn in sharing their own thoughts. Ultimately, before you even have the chance to give a straight answer, the other person will take over, telling you what they think about the movie. After that, all you have to do is give some vague reply about how you agree with them and think they make a really good and interesting point.

As a result, the other person will be satisfied to have their opinion validated and will drop the subject, ultimately letting you off the hook. You are now free to breathe a sigh of relief, film bro status still intact.

So, next time you are questioned about a movie you haven’t seen, feel free to follow the steps above, and your interrogator is sure to be none the wiser. And just remember, these steps have never failed me. Therefore, if they don’t work for you, you should consider that a skill issue.

—Outgoing Film Executive and incoming Editor-at-Large Nell G. Cunningham has only actually ever seen three Quentin Tarantino movies, but refuses to disclose which ones. If you’d like to futilely attempt to uncover which ones she has and has not seen, you can reach her at [email protected].